


Shed Some Light

by NaruSasuNaruLover



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Past Drug Addiction, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rock Stars, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Slow Burn, Smut, character death is han solo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2019-09-14 14:33:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16914672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaruSasuNaruLover/pseuds/NaruSasuNaruLover
Summary: When Ben Solo, then known as Kylo Ren, met Rey her band, Jedi, was performing at a bar. When she turned him down he called himself Jedi killer, saying her band would never make it. Four years later Ben is sober and rebuilding his image. When they are forced to try to work together on Jedi's first studio album Rey doesn't take it to well, refusing to believe he changed his ways. Yet, she can't help but find herself strangely attracted to him the more she's around him. But is she ready to forgive or will they go down in flames?





	1. Fade In/Fade Out

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter is basically an explanation of how Kylo Ren became Ben Solo again. Each chapter is inspired by a song that I believe fits the chapter. If a song is referenced in a chapter, I picture it being similar to the song that the chapter is named after. If you do not like rock music then you will likely not like most of the songs used in this story. 
> 
> First chapter's song: Fade In/Fade Out by Nothing More.

Leia cursed the day that she allowed Ben to be corrupted by Snoke. It was his sixteenth birthday and they had gotten into a fight when he announced he wanted to work with the man and start his singing career. After a long fight she gave in, on the condition that he’d continue his education and at least get a high school diploma, the only promise to her that he actually did keep after joining First Order. When he left he said he’d keep in touch, the biggest lie he’d ever told. Once Ben left, he never looked back, not that Leia believed he’d actually talk to her once he left. She knew he was too angry and blamed her and Han for not being around a lot while he was growing up. 

That day began the fall of Ben Solo and the rise of Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren was not her son; rather he was a monster that Snoke created. Her son had always been a bit of an asshole, but he knew his right from his wrong. Kylo Ren only did what was wrong; he was degrading to women, drank too much, and did drugs. It was clear that he had lost himself somewhere along the way and Snoke took advantage of his conflicted nature and made Ben the definition of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. He turned him into the bad boy of rock and roll and it killed her inside knowing that she allowed him to do it all by signing one consent form. 

She hadn’t heard from Ben in years until the day he ended up in the hospital for overdose. It wasn’t for lack of trying on her part, but he never answered her calls or made any sort of attempt to contact her or his father. If she were honest, it gave her hope and made her wonder if Ben was still inside of the shell of the man he had become when she learned that she was still his emergency contact. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” she asked when he finally woke up. 

“What are you doing here?” he practically growled, avoiding eye contact. Their relationship had always been a bit tumultuous, mainly because her and Han were never the best of parents. They tried, but they weren’t ready for a kid and their careers were demanding. Looking back she knew that’s why Ben had pushed them away; in reality it was just a cry for help. It was a cry that she ignored when she let Snoke take control of her innocent son. She couldn’t help but wonder if everything would have been different if she had just been there for him when Ben was younger.

Her heart sank at his question, “I’m still your emergency contact, Ben.” She frowned as she leaned back in the hospital chair. She tried to appear strong and put together, but on the inside it tore her apart to see him lying in a hospital bed. 

“That’s not my name,” he huffed, finally looking at her. She could still see the symptoms of his withdrawal. He was just as stubborn as her, trying to act as if nothing was wrong with him when he was clearly hurting from the lack of drugs in his system. This hospital did what they could to make it easier, but it they could only do so much. It was clear to her that he hadn’t been sober for a long time. 

“I think I know your name, I’m the one that gave it to you,” she hated the name Kylo Ren, it would never be the name she’d call him no matter how much he protested. She looked at him and could see how exhausted he was; he had dark circles under his eyes, was far too skinny to be healthy, and his hair was unruly. The one thing she noticed was missing were track marks and he didn’t look like he had been snorting drugs, making her believe he was likely popping pills that Snoke likely fed to him to keep him complacent. She wondered if he even knew what he was taking at that point and it hurt her to see her son become such a mess of a man. “You need to relax,” she knew fighting would only make it worse so instead she tried to be stern but gentle at the same time as she directed the conversation away from his name.

“You haven’t known what I need in years,” he turned away from her. Ben tried to act like he didn’t care what she thought of him, but in reality he didn’t want to his mother to see him in such a state. He believed that he was just a disappointment to her. He could never be the son that she wanted him to be; he would never be the golden child. He was Kylo Ren and in his mind that’s all he’d ever be.

“Whose fault is that?” she couldn’t help the words from coming out, no matter how much she didn’t want to fight. “I’ve tried Ben, but you won’t answer my calls. Now you’re in the hospital, clearly you need help,” she continued, concern seeping out of her. “The path you’re on will kill you eventually. I want to help you,” she frowned, seeing the look on his face; it was a mix of anger, indifference and sadness. “You may not care if you live or die, but I do,” she told him softly, causing him to once again look at her. “Now rest, we’ll talk about this when you’re fully detoxed,” she didn’t leave any room for argument so he just sighed and closed his eyes. 

It took two weeks for her to finally to convince him to go to rehab. It was a private facility that specialized in being discrete, not that it would surprise anyone that Kylo Ren needed to go to rehab. Snoke had tried to tell him that he didn’t need it; but for the second time since becoming Kylo Ren he actually listened to his mother, which shocked everyone that knew him. 

Leia had hoped that he would leave his band, Star Killer, and Snoke once he was done with rehab, but instead he went back to them. He promised her that he was done with drugs, but it was hard for her to believe. It was even harder for her to believe when his actions as Kylo Ren just began again. The difference was that it looked forced. He looked like he was gaining muscle mass, not the tall, scrawny, angry man that the drugs had made him. She knew when she looked at him that it was an act. Leia saw her son and knew that he wasn’t on drugs and it was all just a mask to please his record label and to continue to hide behind the safety of the persona he had created over the years. 

The real turning point was when Han had gotten sick. She had continually called him, trying to tell him, but he’d never answer and didn’t bother to listen to her voicemails. It wasn’t until Han was admitted to the hospital and she called him ten times in one day that he finally answered her. “What do you want?” was his greeting.

“Hello to you too Ben,” she scoffed. “I need to talk to you about your father,” she told him, sadness evident in her voice. It took everything in her not to cry a little every time she told someone what was going on. 

“What about him?” he tried to come off and uncaring, but she knew better. She could hear that little bit of concern in his voice. He was never good at lying or hiding his emotions from her. 

“He’s in the hospital,” she told him. There was a long silence that made her wonder if he’d hung up. “Ben, he doesn’t have much longer. It’s stage four cancer, they think he has a week, at most,” once again he remained silent. Leia looked at her phone to make sure they were still connected, “Ben?” 

“What hospital?” he finally asked. 

“Alderaan Memorial,” she told him, though he knew that would be the answer. His mother’s adoptive parents had donated a lot of money to the hospital before their deaths. “Room 311,” she added, hoping he’d come see his father.

“I’ll be right there,” he hung up, all but running out of the studio where his band had been arguing over a new song that Ben was trying to get them to record, but being told was not their style as the band refused to agree to do something different. Ben didn’t say anything and didn’t look back, despite them yelling at him for his sudden departure. The lead guitarist, Hux, yelled that the conversation wasn’t over, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel that seeing his father was more important. 

He drove like a mad man to the hospital only to sit in his car staring at the building before finally working up enough courage to go in. It had been years since he’d seen his father. They had an even worse relationship than he did with his mother, but Han was still his father. They were both to blame for the lack of contact; neither man was particularly good with words. To make matters worse, Han and Ben didn’t have much in common, which only made it harder to form a relationship. Han liked his cars and sports, while Ben had always like writing and music. When he was younger, Ben had tried to please his father by trying to like sports and cars, but it was never his thing. He never enjoyed the time and he knew that he wasn’t the son Han had wanted. 

His mother loved music and had been part of the industry her entire life. She was music royalty and a star in her own right. She had started her own label after she grew tired of touring and it was one of the top labels, adding insult to injury when her son instead wanted to sign with Snoke and First Order rather than join her at Resistance Records.

When he arrived at his father’s room he didn’t know what to say. He stood awkwardly, staring at his father. Han looked older and weaker than Ben had ever seen him. “Hi,” he finally said, not knowing what else to say.

“Ben?” Han sounded surprised to see the man. “Come sit,” he demanded, trying to sound stronger than he was at that point. Han wasn’t one to admit weakness, that wasn’t going to change, no matter how close he may be to death. 

Ben didn’t argue. He sat in the chair next to his mother, finding it hard to look at his father in such a condition, instead concentrating on his own hands. There was a long silence between them. “Leia, can I talk to him alone for a moment?” Han finally said, taking great effort to sit up.

She nodded, “I’ll be right outside if you need me.” Leia got up, looking hesitantly between the men. The last thing she wanted was for the men to fight before Han’s death.

“It’s fine mom,” Ben spoke up, surprising Leia at the use of mom, rather than her name. After she left there was more silence. He took a moment to really look at his father. To look at every wrinkle, every mark of aging. It made him think of all of the lost time that they’d never get back. “You wanted to talk?” he asked, his voice shakier than he’d meant. 

“Look Ben,” Han started, clearly trying to find the words he wanted to say. “I know we’ve never had the best relationship and I’m largely to blame for that. I wasn’t ready for you and I just hope that you’ll think of the good times when I’m gone,” he told him weakly. “I know there weren’t a lot but we had some.” 

“Dad,” Ben started to argue that he didn’t want to have this conversation. The look Han gave him stopped him, causing him to close his mouth. 

“Let me finish,” Han demanded. “I just want you to know, I’ve always kept up with what you’re doing. I’ve watched you grow up and, while I don’t approve of many of your choices, I understand them. We all get lost sometimes, trust me, I’ve messed up more times than I can count. But I hope you’ll figure it out, that you’ll grow up and find someone that makes you happy and eventually even have your own kids. Just know I’m proud of you, or at least of the man I know you can become once you stop with this Kylo Ren bullshit. Just promise me you’ll go and find your way. Push through all of the pain that is holding you back and leave it in the past. You don’t need to settle for whatever that asshole Snoke is giving you; you can make your mark without him. You’re talented kid, you don’t need some alter ego to make it in this industry. Can you promise me that?” he asked. 

“I won’t let you down,” Ben promised, trying his hardest not to cry. “I promise,” he added. At that point it wasn’t a promise he was sure he could keep but he couldn’t help but want to try. 

“Promise me that you’ll watch after your mom. She’s strong but I know she misses you. She worries,” he added. 

Ben just nodded, not trusting his voice at that moment. He had so much he wanted to say, but didn’t know how to say it. He cleared this throat before saying, “I’m sorry.” 

“Me too, kid,” Han gave him a small smile. “Don’t look at me like that,” he told him as Ben looked at him as if he were about to break. “This isn’t how I want you to remember me,” he told him. 

“I know,” was all he could manage to say before there was a knock on the door. Ben quickly wiped away the tears that managed to fall, before sitting up straight. Running a hand through his hair, both trying to fix appearance and as one of his nervous gestures. 

“You have a visitor,” Leia said. Han just nodded, signaling they were done with their father/son talk. She moved aside as Chewie moved his way into the room.

Ben made eye contact with Chewie for a moment before looking away. “I need to go, I’ll be back later,” he quickly left. Ben couldn’t face Chewie in that moment. The man had been like an Uncle to him and he’d treated him like shit for years. It wasn’t something he could handle after the conversation with his father. 

Leia just smiled when Ben did eventually did return. She was even happier when he told her to go home, that he would stay with Han that night. Even though she was hesitant to leave him, she knew that she did need some actual sleep and was just happy that Ben had offered. 

That was how it went for the next week. They would alternate who would stay with Han overnight, but the other would always be back the next morning. Ben had shut off his phone the second day, when Snoke had tried to call him three times and after about twenty text messages. Leia was pleasantly surprised with his actions. 

When Han was sleeping on the fifth day Ben spoke up, “I need your help.” She could tell by the fact that he wouldn’t look at her that it was hard for him to say, so she let him continue. “I’m done being Kylo Ren,” he looked at her, as if to gage her reaction, clearly nervous that he might be rejected despite all of his mother’s actions indicating otherwise.  
Leia smiled, “How can I help?” It was something she had been waiting a long time to hear. It hurt to know that it took Han dying to finally bring her son back to the light, but she would take any opportunity to have him back, no matter the cause. 

“I need to get away from Snoke,” he bit his lip; as if he were trying to hold something back, something he wasn’t telling her. He finally broke, “I promised dad and I plan to keep it. I just need to get out of my contract and,” he paused a moment, “find a new label.”

She knew what he was asking without him having to say it, “Well then I guess we need to contact our lawyers.” After a moment she added, “The Resistance would be happy to have you, if you don’t mind working for your mom.” He just smiled and nodded, making her smile in return. 

Han only lived another week and when he passed Ben was there to comfort Leia. She welcomed the distraction when they started to work with the lawyers to get him out of his contract with First Order and to sign him to Resistance Records. “You’re sure this is what you want?” she confirmed before they contacted First Order to finish the process. 

When Snoke heard the news he made a slew of threats and tried to cut him down. His main threat was that he’d make sure Ben never worked in the industry. He’d destroy his reputation and make sure no one would work with him. “I think you already ruined my reputation, but I’m going to fix it,” he had told the older man. “I don’t need you.”

When he tried to argue about the contract all Leia told him was, “Ben bought out of his contract. Besides, you signed Star Killer, which you can have. Ben just isn’t going to be a part of it anymore. He signed over his rights to their songs, but he’s no longer a part of the band. He won’t be using the name Kylo Ren, so I suppose you can have that too.” She didn’t need to go into the long list of details that happened during the fight for Ben to get out of his contract. One thing Ben made sure to do was include that Star Killer was only entitled to the songs that had been recorded, nothing that has been written or presented that they declined to record. 

That was the day that Kylo Ren died and Ben Solo began to rise from the ashes to fix the mess he had made. They knew it was going to be a long road for him to fix his reputation and move on from the image that Snoke had made him out to be, but they were ready to fight. 


	2. Fix Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So no one really seems interested in this, but I'll give it another chapter and if nothing else I'll probably finish this just to get it out of my head. 
> 
> Song referenced: Fix Me by 10 Years

Ben had decided he wanted to take some time before releasing anything. He wanted to find a new band, one that he actually liked and to make music that actually mattered. In the meantime, he also wanted to write and produce. Do something while he was working on rebuilding himself. What surprised Leia was that he didn’t want to just to the rock genre and that he was good at writing and producing anything other than rock music. In fact, his songs had been some of her artists’ biggest hits, almost always topping the charts when she released them. 

The songs were nothing like his songs with Star Killer. It proved that there was a lot more to him than the image Snoke tried to create. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t piss people off when they first met him. He was still stubborn and rude at times, but it was usually because he was pushing them to be better. After his mother threatened a defamation lawsuit, Snoke had determined it wasn’t worth it to spread rumors about Ben Solo. That didn’t stop him from saying whatever he wanted about Kylo Ren, the main one being that he had lip-synced his entire career. Nobody seemed to connect Kylo Ren and Ben Solo as one in the same, even though he made no effort to hide it when he left Star Killer, giving one last post on Twitter that he was no longer Kylo Ren, he was Ben Solo. Everyone in the rock community knew, but none of the artists he worked with ever referred to Ben as Kylo and he hadn’t released anything that would put him in the spotlight as Ben Solo. He’d cross that bridge eventually, but it wasn’t worth the effort for him to defend a name he no longer wanted. He was just happy that he never legally changed his name. 

“I want you to work with one of my new, up and coming rock bands,” Leia informed him as he walked into her office.

“Hi to you too,” he said, pretending to be offended. She knew he wasn’t so she just rolled her eyes as he sat across from her. “And what is this band’s name?” he asked. 

“Jedi,” she told him, causing his eyes to go wide before he laughed. His reaction clearly caught her by surprise. 

“I can guarantee once they see me they will see me as Kylo Ren and will not want to work with me,” he told her. She looked at him for further explanation so he continued, “I met them when I was Kylo Ren, let’s just say it wasn’t the best first impression. Finn, I think that’s his name at least, tried to punch me, which I might add was pretty entertaining. The pretty boy probably would have too if they weren’t scared of Rey. That’s her name right?” he asked. 

Leia sighed, “Leave it to you to have pissed off the one band that you will be working with. That’s not a question. What did you do to upset them?” 

“I was just being myself,” he shrugged. The look on Leia’s face made him know that she wasn’t buying it. “Fine, me and Rey may have gotten into a bit of a fight when she called me a sexist pig when I tried to hit on her. And I may have referred to myself as a Jedi killer when she rejected me,” he looked away, not proud of his actions. “It might have been when I was still using and she might have been underage at the time,” he added. “But it wasn’t a physical fight, just you know, some not so nice words being thrown around. Plus how was I supposed to know she was only seventeen? She wasn’t exactly dressed like a seventeen year old and certainly didn’t act like one.”

“So let me get this straight, basically you’re telling me that she rejected you for being a sexist pig so you acted like a sexist pig and told her you’d kill her chances at her band making it big?” she felt the headache coming on. “Does that sum it up?” she asked, sounding highly annoyed with his actions.

“Yep, sounds about right,” he tried to act casual but his mother’s disappointed tone killed him on the inside. “I’ll try to work with them, but I can’t guarantee that they’ll agree to do the same,” he told her. 

“Guess that’s really all I can ask for,” she said, knowing that Kylo Ren was always going to haunt her son. “Just try to play nice, maybe they won’t remember,” not even she believed her words, but one could hope. “You realize she’s ten years younger than you, right?” she added.

“I know that now,” he answered. “And I doubt they’ve forgot about it, but I’ll try,” he promised, knowing that he probably wouldn’t be able to play nice. If he remembered correctly, the woman knew how to push his buttons. “And I promise not to hit on her again. I don’t like getting rejected, obviously, and ten years is quite the age gap, plus I’m too old to keep up with someone so young,” he added with a smirk, knowing what else his mother wanted to hear. It wasn’t as if he wanted some twenty-one-year-old that probably wanted to party, drink, and have fun. That part of his life was behind him; he needed stability. 

“Also, please refer to them by their names. It’s Rey, Poe, Finn and I don’t think you’ve met Rose, but I’m sure she’s heard about you,” she informed him. He nodded, but didn’t say anything. Rose was relatively new to the group so she was sure that he hadn’t met her since it had been more than two years since he’d been Kylo Ren and that was when she joined Jedi. “You’ll meet with Rey first, tomorrow at nine. She’s the writer of the group, I want you to help her write and if you can get along then produce the record. I know you plan to start working on your own band as well, but you’re good at multitasking and you practically live here as it is,” she added. 

He just let out a small laugh, “Yeah, I’ll try.” When all Leia did was nod he knew that he was dismissed and that was his cue to leave. “I’ll let you know how it goes,” he said as he walked out of her office. 

\---

“Rey, seriously, you should be excited about this opportunity,” her friend Jessika told her. “Working with him gave me my best selling CD ever,” she told her, but Rey still looked nervous. “I’m even nominated for a Grammy,” she added with a smile. 

It was Jedi’s first studio album and it worried her that she’d be working with someone that was just as new, if not newer, to the industry as they were. Ben Solo had just popped up about three years earlier, but he was surprisingly good at what he did and had worked with multiple award-winning artists with his songs quickly raising to the top of the charts. While the fans didn’t usually know who produced or wrote a song, everyone in the music industry had now heard of Ben Solo. “I just want our first CD to be amazing. You know, something that’ll put us on the map and get us noticed,” she told her.

“Trust me, the guy is a bit rough around the edges, but if you can deal with that then he’s actually good to work with. I was surprised to say the least, but I’ve never had a song stay on the charts so long,” she explained, hoping to calm her friend down. She had heard what had happened between Rey and Kylo Ren so she knew better than to offer up that bit of information, hoping to build him up enough to make her want to work with the man. 

“Rough around the edges?” she asked apprehensively. 

“Yeah, he acts like an asshole because he doesn’t want anyone close, but when you get to know him he’s just a softy,” she explained. “Like I wanted to walk away when I first met him, but then I realized he was doing it see if I could handle it and in a way preparing me to handle the industry. Then I got to know him and he’s pretty cool when he wants to be. Unless he feels attacked then he’s like a completely different guy. And don’t bring up his dad, Han Solo.”

“Wait, he’s Leia’s son?” she asked, feeling dumb for not putting it together. 

“Yeah, don’t insult her either. Not that I think you will, but ever since they reconnected he’s become pretty protective. Anyway, that’s his story to tell, not mine, just wanted to give you the warnings,” she told her, realizing that she had just made her more nervous. 

\---

Jessika had suggested that Rey arrive early so she could hear him working on his own album. According to her, that was what he did before meeting with other artists. From what she understood, Ben Solo was a workaholic that was always at the record company and had commandeered one of the offices and made it into a writing room where he’d meet with anyone that he was writing with until it was time to get into the studio. It was where Leia had told her to meet him and where he almost always was on any given day. The room was sound proof as to not disturb anyone working nearby and to ensure no content was leaked before it was released. 

She looked into the room, thankful that the door was slightly ajar. She supposed that since they were meeting on a Saturday it made sense that there wouldn’t be anyone to bother. Even if they weren’t it was just one man with an acoustic guitar. She couldn’t help but think the voice sounded familiar, but she couldn’t figure out where she’d heard it. He would stop every so often with a huff before trying a new melody he liked to go with the lyrics. 

Rey couldn’t help but be captivated not only by the man’s voice but also by the lyrics of the song. It had so much more meaning than most songs that were on the charts. It wasn’t some love song. From what she could hear, it was a song about losing your way, but also not needing to be fixed. It was about taking back your life and finding your own way. The song melted away all of her worries that Ben Solo wouldn’t be able to help them. That was until she heard him speak, “It’s not nice to stare.”

It was in that moment that she realized just who Ben Solo was. He was Kylo Ren, one of the few people she truly hated with a passion. For a moment she didn’t know what to say, she just stood there, mouth hanging open a little. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she groaned. He looked at her, as if to dare her to say something else. “So who really wrote that?” she asked, not accepting that the man she met could write a song with any real meaning.

“Excuse me?” he growled, setting his guitar aside, but not getting up from his seated position on one of the chairs. “Are you trying to insinuate I don’t write my own shit?” he asked, trying not to let his anger get the best of him. They had hardly spoken and yet she was already pushing all of the right buttons to anger him. 

“Come on Kylo, we both know the songs you write,” she scoffed, as if the man were clearly one-dimensional. “You expect me to believe that the man that wrote for Stark Killer also wrote that?” she asked. 

Ben closed his eyes a moment, letting out a deep breath to calm himself. “I go by Ben now, if you haven’t heard,” he told her, his voice laced with venom. “And why do you think I left Star Killer? It may not be the only reason, but not being able to make the music I wanted to was a big part of the reason I left the band. So don’t you dare even suggest that I don’t write my own music,” he practically hissed. “I’m not the one here that needs to look for someone the help write their album,” he glared at her, trying to get her to just leave so he could tell his mom that he tried and she just walked out. 

Rey tried to think about her conversation with Jessika, but all she could see in front of her was Kylo Ren. “People don’t change,” she challenged. “You’ll always be Kylo Ren,” she was ready to leave and wasn’t entirely sure why she hadn’t yet. 

Ben sighed, knowing that he had to at least try to get her to work with him or his mother would rip him a new one. “Look I realize that I didn’t make the best first impression,” he started, but she cut him off.

“Best first impression? That’s an understatement. You were a complete ass and lucky that I didn’t punch your skinny ass right then and there,” she crossed her arms. She wouldn’t admit that he did look healthier, with actual muscles, and didn’t appear to be drugged out of his mind like the last time she saw him. In fact, his dark eyes had no hint of the redness she’d seen previously. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, already feeling the headache coming. Once again taking deep breaths to try to calm down. “Yeah, know,” he told her; he wasn’t going to deny the man he was. “I was a monster, at least that’s how I think you described me, but I don’t remember much from that time of my life I wasn’t exactly sober.” He leaned back in his chair, “I get if you don’t want to work with me, you’re more than welcome to leave and I’ll tell Leia that we couldn’t move passed what happened four years ago.”

Rey was silent for a moment, weighing her options. “We can work together,” she finally made up her mind, knowing she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work with someone that had brought so many artist success. “But there will be some ground rules,” Rey liked the surprised look on his face. “First and foremost, you will treat me like an equal, not some piece of ass.”

He just chuckled, “Trust me, I’m not looking for some twenty-one year old to fuck for a night anymore. I’m done with that part of my life, you’re safe.” Ben could acknowledge that she was hot, but that didn’t mean he’d go for her. Rey was just starting her career and would want to have fun and probably party, which was a scene he was trying to stay away from.

“Isn’t that all guys like you are looking for?” she asked, rolling her eyes. She wasn’t sure why she was acting this way. It was in her nature to believe the best in people, but there was something about him. It was almost fun to piss him off. 

“Guys like me?” he asked. “Okay, here’s a ground rule, stop referring to me as if I’m still Kylo Ren. I don’t care what the fuck you think about me, but we will have to be professional if we are going to work together and that can’t happen if you keep acting like I’m the same guy I was when we met.” Ben was clenching his fists, reminding himself that he should not punch something, or someone, it would only prove her point and he refused to let her think she was right. 

Rey didn’t answer for a moment, instead biting her lip while she tried to think about what he said. “Fine,” she finally responded, letting out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding. “We give this one week,” she told him. “If we can’t get along at least a little bit after a week then I’ll find someone else to work with.”

“Shouldn’t that be a band decision?” he smirked. 

“The band doesn’t have to write with you, I do,” she wanted to smack him. Maybe punch him in his pouty lips. She wouldn’t acknowledge that she found herself checking him out. He wasn’t classically handsome, but there was something attractive about him, especially his lips. Rey was just happy that he seemed to be too annoyed with her to realize that she had been staring at said lips multiple times throughout their short conversation. 

“You’re making it very hard to be civil,” he mumbled. There was a moment of awkward silence before Ben said, “Perhaps we should try this again Monday. Give it time to sink in and then you can decide if you actually want to work with me or not.” Every fiber of his being wanted to destroy something just by talking to her, but he continued to remind himself of the calming techniques his therapist provided him so that he would think before acting. 

“Fine,” she said before quickly turning to leave. One thing she was sure of was that she was going to kill Jessika for failing to tell her she was working with Kylo Ren.


	3. I Am The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey try to find a way to play nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: I Am The Fire by Halestorm

Ben wanted to bang his head against the wall. He hated having to audition people for his band. He had found one member, Jason, as the lead guitarist and backup vocals. “Kill me,” he told Jason with a huff as yet another drummer walked in the room. His head was already pounding and he was ready to call it a day, but Jason wouldn’t let him.

“If you ever want to start recording we’re going to have to find the rest of the band,” he reminded him. Jason was the opposite of Ben in almost every way, but his clam, laidback attitude balanced Ben’s intensity. He was a short, scrawny man, with blonde hair and a ridiculous tan. When Ben first saw him he was ready to tell him no without even talking to him or hearing him play, but he listened to his mother and was trying to give everyone a chance, regardless of his or her appearance. 

“Whatever,” Ben mumbled in response before signaling to the drummer to start playing. Ten seconds in Ben wasn’t nearly impressed enough to continue listening. He pulled out his phone to look at the time, hoping that he could cut off the auditions. He wasn’t sure which would be the worst of two evils: having to sit through more people audition or attempt to write with Rey. He sighed when he saw the time before cutting the audition short, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you’re what we’re looking for.” After the man walked out Ben groaned, “It’s time for me to meet up with the wicked witch of the west.”

“She can’t possibly be that bad,” Jason laughed. He’d never met her, but he’d heard good things about Rey from other people at the label.

“To everyone else I’m sure she’s fine. It’s just me, I seem to have that effect on people,” he told him, stretching as he stood up. “I’ll text you when I’m done, maybe we can go back through the ones that auditioned today and find someone decent,” he told him, to which other man just nodded. 

“Good luck,” Jason teased as Ben walked out of the room. The dark haired man didn’t reply, rather threw up a middle finger without looking back. Jason had grown used to Ben’s attitude and just laughed at the gesture, knowing there was no real malice behind it. 

\---

When Ben walked into the room he found Rey waiting for him. She was sitting in his chair, writing something on the notepad she had brought with her. He didn’t say anything for a moment; instead he just looked at her. She had her hair up in a ridiculous three-bun style and was dressed in short shorts and a tank top that showed off her toned body. He almost wondered if she were trying to get him to say something about her that would make it so she could walk away. 

“It’s not nice to stare,” she smirked, throwing his own words back at him. Rey looked up at him, “You’re ten minutes late.”

“I see that,” he said, not breaking eye contact. “I do have my own project I’m working on, kind of need to find a new band,” he told her, annoyance clear in voice. He lay awkwardly on the couch in the room, which was far too small for his long body. “What kind of sound are you guys going for?” he asked, closing his eyes to will away the pounding headache. He refused to let her pull him into another argument when he promised his mother that he would try to be civil with the infuriating woman in front of him.

“You’re not up for this,” it was more of statement than a question. “Why try today if you’re clearly not interested?” she was insulted that he seemed so disinterested in even trying to help her. 

Ben sat up, “Trust me, I’m fine. Just tell me what kind of sound you’re going for so we can get started.” He wasn’t in the mood to play nice, especially not with her and how she’d treated him a couple days before. 

“I don’t know how to describe it,” she realized she didn’t have much of a direction as to how they wanted their CD to sound. “I know that I don’t want a CD full of love songs, and I don’t want something angry,” she thought out loud.

“How about this, does that notebook have your current songs in it?” he asked, remembering that they hadn’t done covers when they performed. She nodded and he signaled for her to hand it over. “Toss me a pen,” he instructed, which she begrudgingly did as instructed. She watched as he scanned over the songs, absent-mindedly putting the pen in his mouth while he read over the songs. He had lain back down; he was tired and if he was going to look over someone else’s work he was going to be comfortable. 

Part of her wondered if he had noticed how she looked at his mouth and if he was doing it on purpose to mess with her. However, he wasn’t even focused on her, there was no mischievous glint in his eyes, he was purely concentrated on what she had presented to him. She took advantage of him not paying attention and took a moment to appreciate the way his shirt had rode up a bit, exposing part of his toned stomach. She watched him move his hair out of his eyes, which seemed to display his every emotion. It almost made her wish that he wasn’t such an ass so that she could be attracted to him and instantly hated herself for thinking about what exactly was hiding under his clothes. 

Ben could feel her staring at him and it made him feel slightly uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure if she were staring because she was waiting for him to say something or if it was because she was actually looking at him. Either way, he wasn’t a fan of being stared at. It was different if he were on stage, but just one-on-one he didn’t like it one bit. While Kylo Ren may have thought highly of himself and thought he was hot shit, Ben Solo did not. Ben saw every flaw and didn’t think of himself as attractive. Most women were attracted to who he was, his voice, his celebrity status or his bad boy persona. He didn’t think women were actually attracted to his appearance without all the other factors. “So, why don’t you want to write about anything real?” he sat up, putting her notebook to the side. “Nothing in this notebook feels authentic,” he began to explain. “You can’t tell me you’re life is so picture perfect that you have no pain to pull from, hell you don’t even seem to have any idea what it’s actually like to be in love so clearly it’s not too perfect,” he told her, trying to get a reaction from her. 

“You have no idea what my life is like,” she bit back. “I’ve been through plenty of shit, doesn’t mean it defines me.” There was a fire in her eyes that made it so he couldn’t look away. Her eyes burned with such intensity that he couldn’t believe there wasn’t more to her than the songs she’d written. 

“Everything you’ve done in your past defines you,” he told her. “I’m never going to erase Kylo Ren, no matter how much I want to. You don’t have to tell me your sob story, but you can use it to fuel your writing,” he knew better than anyone else that no matter how much you wanted to kill the past, it’d still follow you. Instead of letting it kill you, you had to let it die but also use it and learn from it; that was how you moved on. When he was younger he had told himself to just let the past die, forget it all. Once he grew up he realized that was impossible. 

“I thought I told you, I don’t want some angry CD and if I pull from my anger that’s all it’ll be,” she argued. It was only the second day and she was questioning if she should really work with the man. 

“I hate to break it to you but if you refuse to use what has shaped you as a person then your band is never going to be anything more than a small venue band that has a few good songs,” he told her, knowing she wouldn’t like his brutal honesty. “People want to relate to their favorite song, if you can’t use something real then you’ll never have a song that is anyone’s favorite.”

“You did it for years with Star Killer,” she argued, knowing it was a weak argument.

“So now you want to be like Star Killer?” he asked, clearly amused. “Stark Killer was popular, we sold out venues, but toward the end it killed me to write those songs. Guys related to them because they wanted to be me and women wanted to be with me, that’s why they are popular. If that’s what you want then I could probably write you some mindless trash. We’ll put you in something slutty and make guys want you, but you told me that you don’t want to be looked at as a piece of meat,” he was clearly mocking her and it made her blood boil. The problem was that he was right. “If you want to be one of those bands, I can make you one. But I really don’t think you want that,” his voice went softer, “and honestly, I don’t want to do that because you’re too talented for that.” 

Rey blushed a little at his words, “I don’t want that.” 

“Pulling on your past doesn’t need to be angry,” he told her, calming down. “It can be about how it made you stronger,” he explained. “Clearly you became some sort of little ball of fire from yours,” he teased, but didn’t look at her, deciding his hands were much more interesting.

“Ball of fire? I am the fire,” she laughed and part of him couldn’t help but agree. There was a fire in her eyes that was magnetic and he had to force himself to look away. 

“How so?” he asked, she could tell his mind had started turning with an idea. 

“Everything I’ve been through just made me stronger, it’s fueled me to become better,” she told him without going into detail. “I don’t let my past decide what I become, you know, I refuse to be another statistic for the foster care,” she refused to make eye contact with him, but she could feel his eyes on her. 

“That I can work with,” he told her. “Let’s get started,” from that point they moved forward on working on a song. It had snowballed into something so much better than she thought it would become. She had to admit Ben was good at what he did and before she knew it, it was ten o’clock at night and they had finished a song, or at least enough of it that the rest would just be cleaning it up after hearing it with the rest of the band and getting their feedback. Ben looked at the clock, “Didn’t realize it had gotten so late, we can pick this up next time.” He put his guitar back on its holder as he got up, stretching a moment. 

“Want to go get a drink?” the words flew out of her mouth before she stopped to think. “There’s a dive bar not to far from here, it’s not very busy and we could get to know each other since we’re going to be working together,” she tried to rationalize why she would suggest such a thing.

“I don’t really drink anymore,” he told her. “At least not often,” he added, her words reminding him that she was a twenty-one year old, just starting her career and ready to party. 

“If you’re worried about drugs being a temptation, I don’t do drugs and I refuse to hang out with anyone that does,” she assured him. “Just looking to get a beer and hang out a little to try to settle our differences,” she explained. “Maybe get to know each other.”

When Ben saw the look in her eyes he knew that he was in trouble, “Fine, one drink.” He watched as she jumped up from her seat like a ball of energy. Ben sighed and mumbled, “I’m too old for this shit.”

“Shut up, old man,” she teased, signaling for him to follow as she walked out of the room. Luckily they were in a big city, one with bars that were open late even on the weekdays. 

“Yep, you’re going to be the death of me,” he confirmed as he followed her, grabbing his hat as he did so. Ben always tried to find a way to make himself less noticeable, but his large frame tended to get him noticed even if he didn’t want to be. It had gotten better over time, as he was out of the spotlight. Out of sight out of mind, or at least he hoped each time he went out.

When Rey had said dive bar she had been right. The bar was just a hole in the wall, but they had a corner of the bar with instruments set up that just about anyone could play if they asked. She instantly signaled for the bartender, knowing she’d need at least one drink to get through the night. Even though it was her idea, she was nervous at the thought of being at the bar with Ben, where no work was involved and it was harder to distract herself from staring at him. 

Ben let out a little chuckle when he heard an old Star Killer song come on in the bar. “They seriously still play this shit?” he asked to no one in particular. “Don’t they have new songs to play?”

“Have you heard their new songs?” Rey responded, shocked at the possibility he might not have at least been curious. It had been a little difficult to avoid. No matter how shitty the new songs were, the band got airtime just for it being a Star Killer song. Ben’s only response was to shake his head, indicating that he had not heard anything new from the band. “Count yourself lucky,” Rey scoffed. “I didn’t like Star Killer before because of the lyrics of the songs, but at least you can sing. This new guy sucks; I’m not even sure why they play it on the radio still or how they’re headliners anymore. At this point I’m pretty sure it’s just name recognition and wishful thinking that one day you’ll go back to the band.”

“Yeah, that’s never going to happen,” he assured her. “I try to avoid them at all costs honestly and I’ve been so caught up with work I just never got around to checking out anything new.” 

“Trust me, you don’t want to. I mean unless whiny emo is your kind of thing. They just keep making the same CD over and over again, trying to recreate your writing and failing miserably,” Rey once again tried to signal for the bartender, who was flirting with some girl at the bar and ignoring other customers. 

Ben finally got annoyed and got up from his seat, walking over to the bartender. The man’s eyes went wide and Ben wasn’t sure if he recognized who he was or if it was just his intimidating build. “You see that girl over there?” he asked. The bartender looked in Rey’s direction and nodded. “She’s been trying to get your attention for a beer for the last ten minutes while you’re flirting with a woman who is clearly not interested. I suggest that if you want any kind of tip you go get her order,” Ben’s tone was more of a demand than a suggestion, causing the bartender to quickly move over to Rey for her order. 

Ben took his seat back at the bar, “Just give me whatever she’s having.”

“Was that really necessary?” Rey asked when the bartender left to get their drinks. 

“If you wanted a drink then yes, I’d say it was necessary,” he shrugged, smirking as she rolled her eyes. “She clearly wasn’t interested and was only trying to get free or stronger drinks, it’s not like she was ever going to give him her number, or at least not her real number,” he told her. Rey knew that he was right, but that didn’t stop her from feeling bad. “Just because I’m not Kylo Ren doesn’t mean I’m not still an asshole sometimes.”

“Just sometimes?” Rey chuckled as the bartender brought their drinks back, though he made sure not to make eye contact with Ben. 

“Wasn’t sure if he recognized me or was scared of me, but I’m pretty sure he’s just scared,” Ben told her after the man moved to help the other waiting customers.

“Well you do look rather intimidating now. You’re not exactly the scrawny man I met four years ago,” she hadn’t meant for it to come out, but she was glad that it did when she saw a slight blush on his cheeks. “Between your build, your height and your attitude I don’t blame him for being intimidated.” 

“I suppose,” he tried to come off casual, but inside he told himself that the woman would be the death of him if the conversation kept going in that direction. He’d likely say something stupid and she’d storm out and refuse to work with him, which he knew was the last thing his mom wanted. “But that isn’t why we came here, aren’t we supposed to be getting to know each other?” 

“You’re right, but I’ve never been good at the getting to know you part of a relationship,” she told him. When she realized how her words sounded, she quickly added, “I mean a professional relationship, not any other kind of relationship. Though I’m pretty bad at those too. I’m going to stop talking now.” 

Ben gave her a mix of a smile and a smirk, “I know what you meant. It’s okay, I told you I’m not looking to date someone as young as you are.”

“I’m not that young,” she huffed. “I’m of legal age to drink now, I’m not some child,” she wasn’t sure why she was defending her age; it wasn’t as if she wanted to date him. 

“You’re still too young for me,” he said, though he didn’t look at her. After a moment of awkward silence he finally said, “So, about getting to know each other.” 

From there the conversation went into much safer territory. They didn’t tell each other anything personal, just basic topics. Before they knew it enough time had passed that it was last call. “I guess we should probably get going,” she said. 

“Yeah, this is the latest I’ve stayed out in a while,” he admitted before signaling the bartender over to close out their tab. 

“You really don’t have to pay,” she argued. “It was my idea, I should be paying.” She had always been independent and him paying almost made it feel too much like a date. 

“Too bad it’s my card they have,” he told her, ignoring the look she gave him. “Think of it as a peace offering,” he said, causing her to just nod, accepting that he was not going to let her pay. 

Once the tab was closed, Ben and Rey parted ways. Neither of them could help but feel like it felt more like a date than an outing between coworkers. They would later refuse to discuss it with anyone else, deciding it best to keep it to themselves and hoping the feeling would pass when the alcohol faded out of their systems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty sure I'm just writing this for myself at this point, but don't really care either way. Trying to stay a couple chapters ahead of posting, but I'm getting them up faster than I thought I would.


	4. Torn to Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Torn to Pieces by Pop Evil 
> 
> Again, this is a rock song, but I highly recommend it regardless of if you generally don't like rock.

Rey had to admit, after going out and getting to know Ben they worked together much easier. It had been a few weeks and they worked together better than she thought they would. They were almost getting along too well, which scared her more than she thought it would. The problem wasn’t that they were friends; it was that she was starting to see him as more than a friend. It turned out that Jessika was right, once you got passed his walls, Ben could actually be sweet and encouraging.

“My mom has been bugging me and Jason to figure out a name for the band,” he admitted. “I have a name in mind, I’m just not sure I can use it,” he bit his lip, which Rey found incredibly distracting. “I’m just not sure what my mom will think of it, which is the biggest thing.”

“Why? What’s the name?” she asked. In the past week they had become more confortable with each other, opened up more. She hadn’t told him her entire backstory, but neither had he. Rey could tell it had something to do with his past and was worried she was prying too much.

“Millennium Falcon,” there was a sad tone to his voice. “In honor of my dad,” he started to explain, but it seemed difficult for him. “It was the name of his prized possession, some classic car that I never bothered to learn more about. Sometimes it felt like he loved that thing more than me honestly.” 

Rey found it endearing that he wanted to honor his dad. While she knew very little about his family, she knew that they didn’t have a great relationship and his failure to reconnect with the man until it was too late was one of his biggest regrets in life. “That’s really sweet,” she smiled. She couldn’t help but reach for him in an attempt to comfort him. They were already sitting so close; it was practically instinct for her to place a comforting hand on his kneed. 

Ben tensed for a moment as he stared at her hand, making her think she made a huge mistake. However, he relaxed and smiled at her before she could pull it away. She told herself it was an innocent enough gesture. It wasn’t as if it were on his thigh, yet it felt oddly intimate. “I’m going to talk to my mom about it later before I suggest it to Jason,” he said, trying to act as if nothing was different, yet she noticed his eyes drifting back to her hand. 

When the door to the room opened Rey quickly pulled her hand away. While they weren’t doing anything wrong, it felt as if they were getting caught doing something they shouldn’t. “Hey Jason,” Rey smiled as he walked in the room.

“I thought you two would be done by this time,” Jason said looking at Ben with a knowing look. “But I can come back later,” he said, turning to leave.

“Actually, Ben’s pretty distracted today so we were going to call it a day, pick it up again tomorrow. Right Ben?” Rey wanted to run for the hills with the look Jason was giving them. Then again, her reaction probably didn’t help the situation.

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ben nodded before Rey grabbed her things and practically bolted out of the door. 

“So, you and Rey?” Jason didn’t need to finish the question, they both knew what he was insinuating. 

“It’s not like that,” Ben bit his lip, not sure if his statement was true. “I just have a lot on my mind, she was being a good friend,” he added lamely. 

“I’m sure she was,” Jason teased. “I’m sure she’d be an even better friend if I hadn’t come in,” he winked, though they both knew he didn’t approve of the idea of Ben and Rey dating. “We’ll talk more about this later. First, I need you to see this drummer on YouTube,” Jason pulled out his phone, the video already ready to go. 

Ben hit play and watched as the woman completely killed it on the drums. “She’s good, but why are you showing me this? We’ve had information available for weeks and scouts from the label looking for people, if she were interested she probably would have contacted us by now.”

“Not everyone is going to come to you, sometimes you have to go to them. Plus, she’s local,” Jason argued. “It’s time to take some initiative rather than torturing ourselves listening to the terrible people the so called scouts send our way. Plus maybe she knows a good bassist and we could actually get started on this,” Jason’s eyes lit up in excitement. 

“How the fuck do you know she’s local?” Ben asked with a raise eyebrow. “You stalking her? Because that’s more than a little creepy.” 

“Shut up, she posts on YouTube about where she’s playing and she plays at some local bars. She said she’s going to be at some dive bar, Jakku, tonight. I’ve never heard of it, but we should go,” Jason was too excited for Ben to say no. He knew they needed a drummer so it was worth a shot, even if he had a feeling she wouldn’t be interested. Part of him wondered if he was the problem, the reason why people didn’t want to be part of their band. It wasn’t as if he had the best reputation to anyone that knew him as Kylo Ren and no one had ever heard of Ben Solo as a performer. 

“I know where it is,” Ben said. “I’ve gone there with Rey,” he explained, which only made Jason give him a concerned and disapproving look. “Don’t give me that look, it’s not like that,” he didn’t even believe himself at that point, but he wasn’t exactly sure what it was. Their relationship was odd, it felt like more, but he wasn’t sure if she felt it too or if he was crazy. “Guess we should talk to my mom, I want to run a band name by her and if she’s okay with it you can be the deciding factor,” Ben got up, quickly trying to avoid the topic of Rey. 

“If we’re going to try to get someone in the band then we should probably have a name, “ Jason agreed as he followed Ben out of the room. They walked down the halls of the studio headquarters in silence but Ben could tell that Jason wanted to bring up Rey. Jason finally broke a few minutes later, “You know if you’re going involved with Rey, which is a terrible idea, you’re going to have to tell your mother.”

“I’m not getting involved with Rey,” Ben growled. “There is nothing going on and we both made that very clear the first day we started working together. Therefore, there is nothing to tell my mother about. Okay?” Ben paused in front of the door to Leia’s office, making sure Jason wasn’t going to say anything to her.

“Okay, if you say so,” Jason clearly didn’t believe a word Ben was saying. 

They dropped the topic and walked into Leia’s office. Jason and Ben were the only two people that could walk into Leia’s office without knocking, mainly because Ben knew her schedule and if she had a meeting. She had made sure they talked every morning and discussed their plans for the day. While it was a nice gesture, Ben knew that it was more of a way for her to keep tabs on him and making sure he wasn’t falling back to the “dark side,” as she put it. Ben entertained her daily phone calls, making up for lost time and all of the times he ignored her calls. 

“How can I help you boys?” Leia asked without looking up from the documents on her desk. 

“Ben wants to run a band name by you,” Jason informed her as he sat in one of chairs across from her, kicking his legs up on the table in front of him. 

“Get your legs off my table,” Leia demanded as she looked up at the men. The look alone was enough for Jason to quickly scramble to get his legs off the table. Ben chuckled, pulling her attention to him instead. She studied him for a moment before asking, “Why would you need to run a band name by me first?”

Ben took a moment before answering, as if he was rethinking the name. “I was thinking of Millennium Falcon,” he replied, causing Leia to smile. “I just figured, he loved that car, “ he mumbled, no longer looking at her.

“I love it,” Leia told him. “So long as Jason is okay with that name,” she looked to the man in question for his reaction.

“As in after your dad’s car?” Jason asked, to which Ben only nodded. “That’s a great idea,” he smiled. 

Ben hated getting sentimental and hated showing any kind of weakness, “Anyway, Jason wants us to go to Jakku Bar to watch some drummer. Thinks she could be what we’re looking for.” They all knew that there wouldn’t be any heart to heart conversation about Han and naming the band after his beloved car. “I feel like my reputation might be a problem though, if she recognizes me. It’s no secret that First Order has tried to make it so I can’t work in the industry,” he said.

“What do you suggest then?” Leia sat back in her chair. She knew Ben blamed himself for a lot of things, including them not finding anyone good for the band. He felt as if once people realized he was formerly Kylo Ren, they ran for the hills because of the rumors spread by First Order and his legendary drug induced temper.

“I don’t know,” Ben tried to think of something that would help, but nothing came to mind. 

“What if we performed at Jakku? An acoustic set or even just a song. It would prove the First Order was lying about you lip-syncing if nothing else and show another side of you. Those songs are nothing like Star Killer,” Jason suggested. “We’ll be there tonight anyway.”

“That doesn’t give much time to practice, even if it is just one song,” Leia was skeptical. If the performance went badly then it would be almost impossible to finish the band. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” she asked, focusing on Ben. 

He stood in thought for a moment before answering, “I think it’s a perfect solution. We’ll get an idea of what people think and if this is even worth pursuing or if I’ve just fucked up too bad.” 

“We’re going to kill it,” Jason assured them with a smile. He was excited to actually be able to perform something finally. “We better get ready,” he was absolutely giddy as he got up, heading for Ben’s makeshift office. 

“You could not have found someone more different from you,” Leia chuckled. Ben just shrugged before following the other man out of her office. She shook her head and called out, “Good luck boys.”

As they walked out of Leia’s office Jason could tell there was something on Ben’s mind. “Penny for your thoughts?” he asked, not wanting him to be distracted all night if they were going to be performing in front of people for the first time that night. 

“Do you think my dad would be proud of who I’ve become?” Han was still on his mind after deciding to name his band in honor of his father. “That was what I promised him when he died. That I’d make him proud.”

“Well, I didn’t know the man, but I know your mom is,” Jason told him. It was then he realized that it was almost the anniversary of Han’s death. “Are you sure you’re up for this tonight? I know it’s a rough time of the year for you and your mom,” Jason cautiously offered him a way out, hoping it might make Ben open up a little more. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Ben snapped out of his thoughts. “I guess it just hit me last night, it’s been three years now. I actually wrote a song last night, just to let it all out,” he admitted.

“You want to perform it tonight?” Jason asked, wondering if that was a hint. It wasn’t always clear with Ben what he wanted to do just based on their conversation. While usually Ben was blunt and would tell you what he thought or wanted, there were times he was awkward and cryptic. 

“No,” Ben quickly answered. “I don’t know that I’m even ready to share it with anyone,” he added as they reached his makeshift “office” so they could practice for that night. “I think we need to just look over what we have and pick one or two. We’re not even sure people will like it and it’s just some small bar, we go in play a song and be done. No one is going to want a full set,” Ben suggested. 

“You’re kidding right? Are you that delusional that you don’t realize you’re going to be giving people heart attacks just by performing at some dive bar?” Jason knew that Ben thought he’d fucked up, but he didn’t realize just how self-depreciating he’d become. “Just because you used to be Kylo Ren doesn’t mean you’re not talented,” Jason reminded him. 

“Let’s get started,” was Ben’s only response. “We don’t have a lot of time to prepare for this, even if it is just in a dive bar.” 

Jason watched as Ben sent a quick text, a small smile appearing at the response he got moments later. “Rey?” Jason asked knowingly. While he didn’t approve of what he thought was an obliviously blooming relationship, he didn’t feel like continuing his lecture at that point.

“Maybe,” Ben shrugged, trying to play cool. “I was just inviting her for tonight,” he mumbled. Jason shook his head and Ben became defensive, “It doesn’t hurt to have some support there, you’re more than welcome to invite any of your friends.”

“Of course, I’ll keep that in mind,” Jason smiled as he grabbed the acoustic guitar from the corner of the room. “Let’s get started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting updated a lot faster than I originally thought it would, but that may slow down now that I'm almost caught up to what I have written. I'm trying not to post until have another chapter written and ready to post. I don't currently have a beta so sorry for any typos, if you see major ones feel free to let me know.


	5. Shed Some Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!
> 
> Song: Shed Some Light by Shinedown...this is the song that I named the story after, so of course I think it fits the story/Ben in this story and recommend listening to it. It is a rock song so if you don’t like rock you might like it, but like the song from the last chapter it is a slower song so not as rock as it could be. The cover song mentioned is also Shinedown’s cover that I picture. 
> 
> I have not checked to see if any of these twitter handles are being used by anyone. If they are, it is purely a coincidence and there is no affiliation with the story. 
> 
> Please note: I have had some ideas to add to this story and so tags have been added to include mentioned/implied suicide attempt. It will not be graphic and I will provide a warning when it is eventually in the story in case it triggers anyone.

Ben, Jason and Rey stood at the bar, ordering drinks while they waited for the drummer to play. Jason gave Ben another disapproving look when he saw Rey walk in the bar earlier that night. Ben continued to deny that they would ever be more than friends, but Jason didn’t believe him. He begrudgingly accepted the fact that she would be there, but only if it wouldn’t distract Ben. 

“You seriously are going to give these people a heart attack when they realize who is performing at this little hole in the wall,” Rey laughed, causing Ben to just shrug. 

“It’s not Star Killer, I highly doubt it’ll be a big deal,” he told her. At first she laughed and then she realized he was being serious and gave him a look as if he were crazy. “I’ve been out of the business for three years, that’s a long time in the music industry and I’m not a part of a huge band, it’s really not that crazy of a thought,” he said, fully convinced people really wouldn’t care much about the fact that he was there and performing for free.

“Right, you keep telling yourself that,” Rey said as she shook her head as she watched the bartender direct people to set up the equipment. “Have I heard the song you’re going to perform?” she asked, having shown up early to listen basically every day. He knew she wouldn’t leak anything he could potentially record and for some reason he had become comfortable enough to trust her and expose a vulnerability to her. He didn’t understand why he felt he could trust her in such a short time, but he felt some kind of connection to Rey that he continued to tell himself was purely platonic. 

Before they could continue the conversation the drummer, Cass, finally made her way up to the small stage she didn’t bother introducing herself. It was clear that she was just doing it for fun and likely YouTube views, based on her friend filming the performance for her to post later. Regardless of why she was doing it, Ben found himself captivated. It wasn’t as if he was attracted to her, but there was something about the way she played. 

Rey refused to admit why she found herself becoming jealous of the way Ben was looking at the other woman. It was completely irrational and she had no right to be jealous over Ben watching another woman, but she couldn’t help it. Deep down she knew that it was her attraction to Ben causing her jealousy, but she’d never admit that out loud. “She’s good,” Rey said, some part of her just wanting to steal his attention from the other woman. Unfortunately, Ben only nodded, his eyes focused solely on Cass, causing Rey to pout a little. 

“She’s perfect,” Ben finally said when Cass was done. They all knew he meant for the band, but that didn’t stop the irrational jealousy that continued to build in Rey by his statement. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his attention finally on her.

“I don’t know if I’d say she’s perfect,” Rey tried to act nonchalant about her statement. She tried to ignore the confused look from Ben and the knowing look Jason was giving her. “She’s good,” she said again, not making eye contact. “I’m just saying it’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t want to be in your band,” Rey wasn’t sure why she couldn’t just stop talking.

“Right,” Ben said eyeing her curiously. “I’m going to go talk to her, come on Jason,” he nodded his head in Cass’ direction. Jason just nodded and followed Ben, leaving Rey at the bar. She sighed before quickly following them. 

“Cass, right?” Ben aked as he approached the woman. 

Cass was a pretty woman, she had long blond hair, which was curled perfectly, bright blue eyes, and tanned skin. Her body was toned and Rey was pretty sure she had fake breast, not that she particularly cared, but she could tell why she caught Jason’s attention. Cass wore a bright pink frilly shirt, short shorts, and matching pink converse, it wasn’t the kind of look one would associate with someone in a band with the man formally known as Kylo Ren. Then again, neither was Jason. “Depends, who’s asking?” Cass asked as she reapplied her lip-gloss. Ben just chuckled, causing the woman to turn her attention to him. “Oh,” she seemed shocked, recognizing the man in front of her. 

“I’m Ben,” he introduced herself despite the fact that he could tell she knew exactly who he was. “This is Jason,” he added, noticing that it seemed Jason’s brain wasn’t working as he stared at Cass.

“Ben? I don’t think so, Kylo Ren,” Cass crossed her arms. She was clearly sizing up the two men in front of her, judging them.

“It’s Ben now, in case you haven’t heard, that is my actual name. I honestly don’t think anyone would name their child Kylo,” he told her. “I’d tell you we’re looking for a drummer for our new band, but I’m pretty sure you’ve already made up your mind about me and it’s nothing good,” he added, annoyed with the woman in front of him. 

“I’ve heard about you,” she replied before taking a sip from her drink. “Nothing good. From what I hear you’re a drug addict who lip-syncs and is a complete asshole.” 

“Well one out of three isn’t bad I suppose,” Ben shrugged. “I’m going to guess you either know people at First Order or you believe anything you hear or read. I’ll be the first to admit I was a drug addict and I certainly am an asshole sometimes, but I’ve never lip-synced in my life and have refused to do performances in the past for them even asking me to do so,” the venom in his tone was deadly and he looked like he wanted to rip her head off. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, I haven’t performed in a while and I’m going to go have some fun,” he turned away from her, knowing Rey was right. There were plenty of drummers available; he didn’t need her. 

While Jason thought the woman was hot, he planned to stick by Ben and just shook his head as he followed other man toward the stage. He hadn’t even noticed that the employees of the bar had set up a microphone and acoustic guitar, but he figured Ben had something to do with it. 

“You made a huge mistake,” Rey told her, though she didn’t follow Ben and Jason. “That man is more talented than I ever would have guessed, I’m just lucky his mother pretty much forced me work with him. It’s worth it, I’d suggest sticking around,” she left Cass, not caring to look if she took her advice. 

“Hi everyone, I’m Ben, and this Jason, we’re Millennium Falcon. We’re looking for a kickass drummer and bassist so if you know anyone, send him or her our way if you like what you hear. If you don’t like it, I don’t particularly care, it’ll be one song so you can tune us out,” Ben said before nodding to Jason to start playing. 

What he didn’t seem to notice was the people were pulling out their phones, either going live on Facebook or recording the performance to share later. He was a hard figure to forget and people clearly remembered him and were waiting to hear something new from him. 

Rey could only smile when she heard the song he had chosen. The song was incredibly personal and one he had written when he was transitioning back into the light. He sang with so much emotion that all anyone could do was watch in disbelief. She glanced over to where Cass had been standing to find the woman staring wide-eyed at the stage. She couldn’t help but smirk, taking pleasure in her regret. 

Every time Rey heard his songs she couldn’t believe just how much his talent was wasted with Star Killer. His songs with Star Killer did nothing for his voice. It was clear even then that he was talented, but his new songs showed his range and the beautiful tone of his voice. It was powerful and vulnerable at the same time; it was perfect. As Rey looked around the room she could tell people wanted more than one song. When the song ended she shouted, “One more!”

Ben just looked at her and shook his head with a small smile. Before they could leave the crowd was practically begging for another song. “You guys actually want another?” he asked, staring out into the crowd, surprised by the response. He looked over at Jason, “What do you think?” 

“I think I know the perfect song,” Jason grinned. “So, to make sure our record label doesn’t kill us, rather than doing another original I was thinking a cover,” Ben just nodded, knowing exactly what song Jason wanted to perform. It was one of the only ones the both of them knew by heart and had talked about covering in the past.

“He’s lucky I love this song,” Ben told the crowd as Jason started playing the opening chords to Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Ben hadn’t planned on singing the song, but he knew it well, it was one of his mother’s favorites when he was younger, despite it being released years before he was born. He still put his own spin on it, but made sure to still keep it close to the original. 

When the song ended people clapped, making Ben smile. “They seemed to like it,” he commented to Jason as they got off the makeshift stage. 

“You’re trending already,” Rey told them as they walked back to where she was standing at the bar. 

“What?” Ben didn’t believe her words, but didn’t get a chance to see what she was talking about before people started crowding them. People started asking for pictures with him and his autograph as if he were part of Star Killer again. “One at a time,” he simply said before taking pictures with people and signing autographs, warning each one that it would be signed Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren. Most people didn’t care about Jason, but he accepted that, knowing that anything that brought attention would benefit the band and he wasn’t the one that used to be in a popular band. 

Rey watched in amusement as Ben got bombarded with people, some of which were a little too handsy. He handled it well, probably because he had been doing his half of life. She just found it funny how surprised he seemed that people would want his autograph or a picture with him. Ben seemed exhausted, but happy, when he finally got through everyone and people seemed to calm down that he was there. “Now that you can breathe, look at this,” Rey insisted as she shoved her phone in his face, which was open to Twitter. 

  

@StarKillerFan001  
Just saw @BenSolo and @TheJasonKelley live at @JakkuBar and they were AMAZING! I’m sorry for everything I said when Ben left the Band! #MillenniumFalcon

@Shelly_Shay  
@StarKiller do you still want to claim @BenSolo lip-syncs? #MillenniumFalcon

@FutureMrsRen  
So…how do I change my handle to FutureMrsSolo? @BenSolo

@Call_Me_Baby  
I am so jealous of all of you that were at @JakkuBar and got to watch @BenSolo perform! #MillenniumFalcon

@DesireeLove  
Can I just say now that I called it? Everyone was hating @BenSolo but he was the only real talent in @StarKiller #MillenniumFalcon

@RensGirlForever  
@BenSolo @TheJasonKelley @ResistanceRecords I NEED a #MillenniumFalcon  
CD NOW!!!

Ben’s eyes widened as he scrolled his Twitter feed and found it just kept going and #MillenniumFalcon was indeed trending, despite them just ending the performance. “Wow,” was all he could say. It was unexpected to say the least. 

@BenSolo  
Thank you everyone for the support but me and @TheJasonKelley need a bassist and a drummer before we can record anything. If you know a good one hit up @ResistanceRecords

His mother was going to kill him for how many people would likely contact them based on the tweets, but he couldn’t help but smile. When he looked up from his phone he saw Cass standing in front of them. “Can I help you?” he asked. 

“Well, I hear you’re looking for a drummer,” she said nervously, knowing that they could very well say no after how she’d judged Ben. “And, well, you seemed like you might be interested in me being that drummer before I was an asshole,” she added.

“We did,” he confirmed. “But, now I’m not sure, considering you pretty much blew us off until we got a good response from the crowd here,” Ben said, Jason just nodding in agreement next to him. “So, I’ll tell you what I told people on Twitter, if you’re interest contact our label and we’ll see,” he grabbed his beer from the bar and took a drink. 

Cass was left speechless as she stared at him. After a moment she composed herself and said, “I guess we’ll see then.” 

Jason watched as Cass walked away. Once she was out of hearing distance he asked, “We’re going to get her if she contacts the label, right?” 

“Definitely,” Ben nodded with a chuckle. “Can’t make it easy on her when she was an asshole though,” he shrugged, causing Jason to let out a sigh of relief and hope that she contacted the label.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on chapter 7 now, trying to stay 1-2 chapters ahead of what I post. Let me know what you think. 
> 
> FYI - This does not have an outline so I have no idea how long it'll be but the more I write the longer it seems to get because I have no self control and hope to add some twists. So if you do not like long stories and wanted this wrapped up in 10 chapters, it will not be one of those kinds of stories.


	6. Heart of Novocaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a little more of get to know you/background story chapter which will be expanded on in the next couple of chapters but there's also some attraction building between Ben and Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Heart of Novocaine by Halestorm

When Ben walked into the writing room Rey jumped a little, she hadn’t heard him come in, “I guess congratulations are in order then.” She sat up and he couldn’t help but stare at her messed up hair and the way she smiled. 

“One down, one to go then we can get recording and writing the rest of the album,” he shrugged, trying his best not to look at her and instead focusing on grabbing his guitar and sitting on one of the chairs. “Speaking of writing, I actually have a song I wrote awhile ago that would work way better with your voice than mine,” he told her, flipping through a binder of what appeared to be songs. It didn’t take him long to find it, opening the clips to take it out before handing it to her. 

“Are you sure?” she hesitantly took the song as he nodded. She looked at the song and could tell it was a slower song than what they had been working on lately.   
“If anyone can do it justice I think it’ll be you,” he assured her, causing her to bite her bottom lip as she blushed. He couldn’t help but think it really wasn’t fair how adorable she looked with that action. “Anyway, look it over and see if you even like it,” he said, picking up his guitar so she could try it out, not even needing the sheet music to play it. 

“You really tried to find a way you could make this song fit your voice, huh?” she asked, feeling happier than she should that he would trust her with such a song.   
He just nodded as he started to play, signaling he just wanted her to sign it, not talk about it. As she sang it he knew that he was right, she was perfect for it. He just closed his eyes as he played and listened to her sing, all of his doubts about giving the song to someone else fading away. He smiled when she finished, “We’ll have to work on the inflection of your voice a little when we record it, but if you like it it’s yours.”

“I love it,” she told him; truly honored he’d give her such a song. It was clearly meant to be directed toward Star Killer and First Order, mainly Snoke and the shit he put him through. 

“You’re probably the only person I’d give it to,” he admitted. He hadn’t meant for it to come out but the smile she gave him made it worth it. “Now let’s get working on something new, you have a CD to finish,” he tried to redirect the conversation. With her past she couldn’t help but relate to the lyrics, showing just how similar they actually were on some level. 

They worked for hours bouncing ideas off of each other before they found something that worked when Ben was just messing around on the guitar and found a rift that sparked an idea in Rey’s mind. “See there’s a little bit of bad girl in you,” Ben chuckled with the direction the song went. When he realized what he said he quickly corrected himself, “Not in a bad way.” She raised an eyebrow in amusement causing him to continue, “I’m just saying you come off to everyone as this sweet girl, but there’s more to you than that.” 

She laughed, “Stop talking.” He just nodded, not making eye contact. “There’s a reason I don’t plan to be a pop princess,” she added with a glint in her eyes that told him he was done for, even if he thought it was one-sided and a bad idea to even think about acting on his feelings. 

“I think that’s enough for today,” she couldn’t help but smile, it seemed like she did a lot in his presence and it was making her start to question her sanity. “Come on, let’s go get a drink,” she suggested, knowing it had become somewhat of a routine at that point. 

“I’m really not in the mood to go out tonight,” he told her, yawning as he stretched when he stood up. It had been exhausting going through the demos people were sending them for a bassist. Now that Cass was signed on as their drummer, they had one more to go. 

“Oh, okay,” she was a little disappointed. It wasn’t that she needed a drink, but rather that she found herself looking for an excuse to spend time with him. “I guess I’ll see you in a few days then? I know you have your own band to work on and I’m sure you want to get started on that,” Rey wasn’t sure what it was but it upset her that she wouldn’t see him for days. She had to admit they worked well as a team and were quickly getting the writing done, almost too fast for her liking even if she knew it’d be a long process in the studio after. The studio wouldn’t be the same; it wouldn’t be one-on-one like writing was.

“I planned to go home and go through some more demos, if you want to you’re welcome to come over. I mean, Jason isn’t able to do it today and he’s using the excuse that he found the drummer so I can sort through the bassist demos,” the words flew out of his mouth before he could think about what he said. “I don’t think I have any alcohol in my house though and there is a chance I might fall asleep half way through at this point,” he knew that he really needed to shut up. 

“I’d like that,” she surprised him. “But you’ll have to drive me, I don’t have car, remember?” Rey’s heart was pounding as she said it. All Ben could do was nod, not trusting his voice at that point. “Then let’s go,” Rey suddenly found herself nervous as she followed him out of the studio to his car.

The car ride was silent and slightly awkward, but they were both trying to pretend that it was the usual comfortable silence that they had become accustomed to. Her eyes widened when they pulled up to his house, if one could call it that considering the size, “You live here alone?” She should have known with how much money he had that his house would be amazing, but it still left her in awe. Before he even had a chance to respond her jaw dropped as they pulled into the garage, “How many cars do you own? Is that a Falcon?” Rey excitedly got out of his car and went to look at the classic car. 

“It was my dad’s car, this is the Millennium Falcon. At least that’s what he called it,” he told her with a mix of emotions in his eyes. “He wanted me to have it I guess, I was surprised, it was his prized possession,” Ben watched as she inspected the car as if she was a kid in a candy shop. “I take it you like it?” 

“Like it? That’s an understatement, I love classic cars,” she told him, all of her nerves about coming to his house alone with him suddenly gone. “Sorry,” she blushed when she noticed he was staring at her, “I just really like old cars.”

“I see that,” he smiled. “Haven’t seen anyone be so excited about the Falcon since my dad passed,” Ben told her. “He refused to let anyone else work on it, the Falcon was his baby and no mechanic was ever going to touch it. Hence why it’s not very reliable and has defiantly seen better days. I’m shit with cars, but I figured if he didn’t want anyone else to work on it before I wasn’t going to take it anywhere to get it fixed up.” He wasn’t sure why he was telling her that, but the look she gave him in response made his heart skip a beat. 

“That’s really sweet that you’re honoring his wishes,” Rey moved away from the car. “Aren’t we supposed to be listening to some shitty demos?” she asked and all he could do was nod and signal for her to follow him. When they entered his house Rey found herself looking around. There wasn’t much of a personal touch and it was all very modern. She could tell where his mother had hung some pictures and added a few touches to make it feel more like a home. What surprised her was that none of his awards were on display to see but refrained from saying anything about it, “Your house is beautiful.” 

“Thanks, I didn’t really do anything other than hire a designer to decorate and when I reconnected with my mom she came in saying it was too cold and hung some pictures up and a few other things I’m sure you can tell what has her written all over it,” he told her. “You want anything to drink?” 

“Water is fine,” she told him as they walked into his large kitchen. “So do you cook or is this all for show?” Rey teased, figuring it was just for show. 

“I cook, just not often since it never made sense to cook for just myself,” he shrugged. “My mom did teach me how to cook before my truly rebellious stage and then I was on my own so I was forced to learn to feed myself until I got to the point that I could afford to always eat out,” his words surprised her, never taking him for the kind of person that would be able to cook, but there was clearly a lot more to him than she thought. 

“I love to bake,” she told him when he handed her a glass of water. “Like you have my dream kitchen for it,” Rey looked around, just imagining the things she could make in his kitchen. “I never really got to have sweets as a kid so once I was an adult I wanted to learn how to make everything,” she wasn’t sure why she was telling him something personal, but it seemed fitting with what he had told her. 

“Well you’re welcome to use it whenever, you as long as you share whatever you decide to make,” Ben tried to come off casual about it, but knew his voice was probably betraying him. He was never good about hiding his emotions, which made him wonder why he would even invite her over. “You ready to listen to some demos or would you rather just watch a movie? I’m actually pretty sick of listening to one bassist after another.”

“I would love to watch a movie. It sounds much more enjoyable than helping you find a bassist. Plus once you find one you’ll have less time for me,” she smiled, trying to make the last part sound like a joke, though she knew it wasn’t. 

He looked at her, surprised by her words. Ben tried to brush it off, but the words made his heart skip a beat, even if she was only joking. “Popcorn?” he asked, quickly trying to change the subject.

“Can you watch a movie with no popcorn?” she countered. 

“I suppose not,” he chuckled before starting the popcorn. “So you ever going to tell me your sob story?” he asked, not actually expecting her to tell him anything. In fact, he wasn’t even sure why he asked. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that; it was a dumb question,” he quickly added, feeling stupid for even brining it up when she was just here to relax. 

She bit her bottom lip, clearly a nervous habit for her. “I grew up in the foster care in England, going from one shitty foster parent to another. When I was fifteen I finally found my parents after years of hoping that they would come for me. I was living with this awful man that put me and the other kids to work, that’s how I fell in love with cars. Anyway, they ended up being American. By the time I found out who they were they had already passed away, I guess they were a couple alcoholics that dropped me off on the side of the road in front of a church in England when I was five and never looked back. Once the England foster system found out I was technically an American citizen they shipped me off for the American foster system to deal with when I was sixteen. That’s how I met Finn and then I met Poe through Finn and we’ve basically been a family ever since. I ran away from pretty much every foster home I was in, but the system is so full that no one ever seemed to care. Finn and I just kind of moved in with Poe at that point and started our band. I haven’t tried to look for any other family since then, but at least I know my real last name now I guess,” she wouldn’t look him in the eyes, finding her hands were much more interesting than his reaction. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he said, trying not to feel pity because he knew she wouldn’t want that, she was too strong of a person. 

“Well, it’s your turn, what made you go to the dark side?” she asked, always referring to First Oder as the dark side. Rey wasn’t one to cry, she wouldn’t let it show that her past affected her in such a way, so she turned the tables on him instead. 

“Well, after your story mine seems so superficial,” he told her, but the look on her face made it so he knew that she didn’t care, she expected to hear the story. “I guess it started when I was a kid. My parents weren’t around much; they had never been ready for a kid, especially not one like me. I demanded a lot of attention, which they couldn’t give. Both were so focused on their careers that I got shipped to my uncle’s house a lot or one of their other crazy friends. It made me mad that they always picked their careers over me and then I met Snoke when I was fifteen. He took an interest in me, I think because of my family’s legacy in the music industry. When I was sixteen he convinced me to get my mom to sign a consent form to join a band he had created and threatened her that he’d help me emancipate if she didn’t, so she signed. From there it all just spiraled. He wanted to make me the bad boy of rock and roll and told me it was the best thing for my career. First it started with the kind of songs I wrote, and then he started introducing me to women. It was never the same woman twice, said emotional ties were bad for an artist, that I didn’t need to be tied down by anyone. Then it was alcohol, I was never an alcoholic, but it led to drugs, a lot of drugs to the point that I overdosed and was just lucky to survive. My mom was my emergency contact still so she came and then forced me to go to rehab. Snoke tried to get me to fall back into that lifestyle when I was out of rehab and it was tempting, but I was tired of living my life that way so I stayed clean. I tried to write different kinds of songs because what I had been writing didn’t feel right anymore. I was basically told to shut up and that it wasn’t our sound so go back to the kind of writing I was doing, but I couldn’t, it tore me apart to write like that. I was in the middle of a fight with my band when I got the call from my mom that my dad was sick, at that point he only had about a couple weeks to live according to the doctors. When I heard that something in me just snapped and I left, even though my dad and I were never close he was still my father. I’ll never forget what he said to me that day it changed my life. He’s the reason I left the band and went to work for my mom instead,” he finished and looked at Rey but wasn’t sure what to make of the look on her face. 

“Just because your experience was different doesn’t make it any less painful for you,” she told him, reaching out for his hand to comfort him. If she were honest it was to comfort her as well. “I know what it’s like to feel alone,” Rey added, feeling the urge to hug him but ignoring it. The popcorn had been done for a while, but neither seemed interested in moving until she finally broke the spell. “I think we need a comedy tonight, I don’t care what you were thinking of watching,” she was holding back tears, not just for her but also for him.

“I agree,” he said as she let go of his hand. He grabbed a bowl, pouring the popcorn in and moving towards the living room. “Any suggestions?” he asked as he pulled up Netflix, trying not to think of the phrase Netflix and chill and the meaning behind it; reminding himself they were only friends. 

“Think you have a big enough couch?” she asked. “It’s like a bed,” Rey was trying to lighten up the mood while he flipped through potential movie choices. 

“I’m not really a small guy and I like to have room to relax,” he said before eating some popcorn. She looked at him a moment, not needing to be reminded that he certainly wasn’t small. “Come help me find a movie,” he insisted as he motioned for her to join him. “I don’t bite, I promise,” he joked. “Unless you ask me to, then I might,” he laughed at her reaction when she blushed. “I’m kidding,” he really wasn’t, he’d probably do whatever she wanted, but she didn’t need to know that. 

In that moment Rey knew she was completely fucked. She moved to the couch, trying not to sit too close to him, but not far enough away that it would seem awkward. All she could think was that it was going to feel like a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think...feedback/comments are always appreciated.


	7. Break In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Break In by Halestorm
> 
> Sorry it's taken awhile for me to update, I've had a lot going on lately and I like to make sure I have the next chapter written or at least started before I post a new chapter.

Rey woke up feeling warm, but slightly uncomfortable due to the clothes she was wearing. Her eyes snapped open when she realized she was certainly not at her house and not in her usual pajamas. That was when the night before came back to her and she blushed when she realized the warmth was because she was laying on top of Ben while they slept. 

She wasn’t sure when it happened but at some point during the movie she had moved closer to him, or maybe they gravitated towards each other. Either way she had felt tired and found herself leaning against him with her head on his shoulder, until he move a little, allowing her access to his chest as a pillow and his arm comfortably wrapped around her. It should have felt awkward and too intimate, but it didn’t. In fact, she couldn’t help but think it felt right. 

Rey tried to move quietly to not wake him up, but it didn’t seem to work as he slowly opened his eyes. When he noticed the position they were in he seemed to come to his senses, “Uh, good morning.” 

She couldn’t help but find him even more attractive when he was slightly awkward. It was incredibly endearing when he let down his guard and his cool façade was gone. “Morning,” she responded, but didn’t move. She felt frozen as she basically hovered over him, just taking in his appearance. Somehow he pulled off looking sexy when he was just waking up. “I guess I should probably get you off,” she said and his eyes widened. “I meant get off you. Oh my god, seriously I meant get off you,” she blushed as she pushed herself off of him covering her face with her hands as he laughed. 

“Quite the slip,” he couldn’t help but tease her, which just made her blush more. There were so many jokes running through his mind, all very inappropriate, but he took mercy on her and didn’t continue. Instead, Ben composed himself as he sat up and pulled her hands away from her face, “I’m teasing you Rey. It’s okay I know what you meant. Let’s not make this awkward because you’re dyslexic.” His joke seemed to lighten the mood but all she could do is nod. 

When Rey finally found her voice she said, “I should probably be getting home.” 

“Right,” Ben nodded, still feeling a little awkward when he found that he didn’t really want her to leave in that moment. “I could, uh, make you breakfast first, if you want,” he offered. “Then I’ll drive you home.”

“I don’t want to be more of a burden than I already am by having you drive me home. I really should get a car,” she said, though she didn’t want to leave and breakfast sounded amazing. 

Before either of them could say anything else Rey’s traitorous stomach growled loudly. Ben chuckled, “I’m making breakfast.” It wasn’t up for debate, she knew that much, so she just nodded and blushed. Ben tried not to think about how adorable she was when she blushed and quickly excused himself to start cooking. 

Rey paused a moment before taking a deep breath and following him into the kitchen. “I have to watch this, I’m still finding it hard to believe that you can cook,” she told him.

“Breakfast is the easiest meal to make,” he rolled his eyes as he pulled the eggs out of the refrigerator. “Omelet sound good?” he asked, not sure what she liked.

“Sounds amazing,” she confirmed, not adding that ever since her childhood she would accept any food that she could get. It wasn’t as if anyone ever taught her how to cook, she always relied on Poe and Finn to make sure she was properly fed and not starving or living off of take out. Baking was the only thing she enjoyed; it allowed her sweets and large batches that she could eat on for days. However, when it came to cooking, unless there was a very detailed recipe, she was lost in the kitchen. As she watched Ben cook she couldn’t help but find it extremely sexy that he even knew how to cook. 

In order to rip her eyes away from creepily watching him cook, Rey turned to her phone as a distraction. As she pulled up Twitter what she saw made her let out a small gasp, before becoming extremely angry, “Have you logged onto Twitter? Hux is such a fucking asshole.”

Ben sighed as he picked up his phone, “I knew he wouldn’t be able to remain quiet.” 

“Can I put him in his place?” Rey asked, venom dripping from her voice. She didn’t know when she became protective of Ben, but at some point she couldn’t help it; part of her was sure it happened around the same time she became irrationally jealous when he interacted with beautiful women. 

“No, I can handle my own battles, especially against Hux of all people,” he assured her as he read the Tweet. 

@Hux  
Why is everyone praising @BenSolo when this is so obviously staged? He’s just a waste of space that only has a label because his mother owns it. 

Ben just chuckled, which surprised Rey. She thought he’d be angrier, not laughing about it. “That’s the best he could come up with?” Ben asked rhetorically. “I mean if he wants to start a war of words, I’ll have fun with it.” As childish as it may be, Ben loved to rile Hux up and knew just how to do it. 

@Ben Solo replying to @Hux   
Armitage, as much as I love how much you hate me, don’t you have anything better to do? 

“That’s it?” Rey asked, looking at what he posted. “Nothing else to say to him? If anyone is a waste of space, it’s him,” she huffed, frustrated with his comeback. 

“Trust me, I know what’ll piss him off. Calling him Armitage alone would have probably done the trick,” he told her as he finished making breakfast. “As I said, if he wants to start a war I’ll have fun with it, but if it shuts him up I’m not going to continue being an asshole,” he placed a plate in front of her. “Just drop it.”

“Fine, but only because I’m starving and this look delicious,” she gave in, if only momentarily. When she was in the foster system food wasn’t always guaranteed so she savored every bite every time she ate, as if it were her last meal. Ben looked at her amused by how she stuffed her face, “What?” 

Ben looked at her for a moment before taking a bite of his own food, not completely sure how to respond without offending her in the process. “You don’t have to eat so fast,” he finally told her. 

Rey blushed as she slowly chewed her food. “Sorry,” she mumbled, embarrassed by her actions. Her friends understood, but it wasn’t as if she had told Ben everything about her childhood, even if she did fill him in on part of her tragic backstory. 

He saw the look on her face and frowned, knowing there was more to the story but h wasn’t about to push her into telling him something she wasn’t ready to share with him, “You don’t have to explain it to me, but if you need someone to talk to I’m here.” He wasn’t sure what it was, but there was something about Rey that made him want to be a better person. He wanted to care about other people, or maybe it was just her that he wanted to understand. 

“It’s just a byproduct of the foster system,” she mumbled and he knew she wasn’t going to say anything else so he just nodded. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” she said, awkward silence taking over the room. 

“I’m not asking you to,” Ben replied a moment later as he finished his breakfast. “I’m going to go get changed and then I’ll drive you home,” he hurried out of the kitchen, figuring he’d clean the dishes later. Once in the safety of his own room, Ben leaned against his closed door and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he calmed himself down. Even after their awkward moment in the kitchen, the memory of her body against his was replaying in his mind and he need to banish those thoughts. “Fuck,” he cursed under his breath, part of him wishing he’d never invited her over. 

Once Ben was able compose himself again, he was finally able to change and brush his teeth before going back into the kitchen where he found Rey doing the dishes. For a moment he couldn’t help but think how perfect she looked in his house, washing the dishes as if she belonged there. When he came to his senses he cleared his throat, “You really don’t have to do the dishes, I was going to do them later.”

“I’ve already been enough of an inconvenience, the least I could do,” she shrugged, not making eye contact as she focused on the task in front of her. 

Ben looked at her and just based on the words she was using he could tell part of her confidence was a charade. “Burden, inconvenience,” he repeated the words she had described herself as. “Another byproduct of the foster system?” he asked softly, to which she didn’t respond. “Rey, you’re not a burden or an inconvenience, I wouldn’t have offered for you to come over if I thought that. You really need to stop thinking about yourself that way,” he told her. Ben didn’t dare move closer to her, knowing he may not be able to control himself if he did, no matter how much he wanted to hold her and assure her that whoever told her that was an idiot. 

“I want to go home now,” Rey stated, continuing to refuse to make eye contact with him. 

Ben nodded and grabbed his keys, “You’re going to have to give me directions.” He felt bad for brining it up, knowing that there were some deep emotional scars that she tried not to show. He didn’t say anything else, instead driving in silence except her occasional directions for where he would turn. 

Rey became embarrassed once again when they pulled up to her apartment. After seeing his house it seemed so inadequate. “Thank you,” she tried to give him a small smile, but he could tell it was forced. Rey held back tears as she quickly got out of the car before he could say anything else; not wanting to show how his words affected her. She knew he meant well, but it hurt anytime she thought about her past and how she had been treated; what the people had said. 

Rey had only been in one good foster home when she first got put into the system. They were caring people, the kind that did it because they wanted to help, not because of the money they got from the government. She had spent a couple years with them before they decided they wanted to adopt. When Rey found out they would no longer be fostering, she prayed that they would want to adopt her, but they didn’t. They wanted a baby, one they could raise and watch grow up; not a defective foster kid that had moved so many homes by the time she was five that she was already broken. So at the age of seven she was shipped off to live with the horrid man, Plutt, who only cared about the money from the government, not the children. He had put them to work and on multiple occasions failed to feed them unless they “earned” it, but no one seemed to care. There were too many kids in the foster system and not enough people to care for them. The social workers were underpaid and overworked to the point that so long as he could put on a good show every so often, no one thought anything of it and he was able to continue to be a foster parent. 

When Rey finally got into her apartment and into her bedroom she broke down in tears. She couldn’t help it, everything memory came rushing back and the feeling of never been wanted overcame her. So she cried and let it all out, hoping the feeling would go away. It wasn’t until an hour later when there was a knock on the door that she was finally pulled from her thoughts. “Rey, you in there?” she heard Finn call from the other side of the door. “You didn’t come home last night, we were worried.” 

That was the problem with having her band as her roommates, there was zero privacy and at times if felt as if she had no room to breath. “Yeah, I’m in here. I’m fine, just fell asleep on a friends couch,” she called back. She refused to come out of the room, knowing he’d be able to tell that she had been crying and then he’d demand to know what was wrong. “I’m tired, I’ll be out later,” she added, hoping he’d just go away and let her be. 

“Okay,” she heard him say hesitantly. He’d question her about what was wrong later, which she would try to avoid at all cost. “I’m here if you need to talk,” Finn offered, but when she didn’t respond he finally walked away. 

Rey sat in her room for another hour thinking about her time with Ben. She knew he felt bad and that she could have handled it better. ‘Sorry about earlier,’ she text him, not sure what else to say. 

It only took a few seconds for him to reply, ‘I feel like I’m the one that should say sorry.” 

It still amazed her just how different he was than the man she met years ago, ‘I know you mean well but I’m not ready to talk about it.’

‘I understand,’ he text back before adding, ‘but if you need to talk I’m here.’ 

‘I know,’ she smiled to herself as she read his text. ‘Thank you.’

From there their text exchange took a completely different turn, neither of them pressing the issue further, but also not wanting to stop talking to each other. The more she text him the more she wanted to tell him. ‘Can I call you?’ she bit her lip staring at the text before finally pressing send. 

‘Of course,’ he responded almost immediately.

Rey took a deep breath before hitting his name to call, part of her freaking out and she wondered what she was doing. “Hey,” he answered almost immediately. “What’s going on?” he asked, concern evident in his voice. 

She paused for a moment, “Why does it feel like I can tell you everything?” Her voice sounded weak and unsure of what she was doing. 

“Because you can,” he answered, sounding just as nervous as she did. “You’re not alone,” he tried to comfort her, not sure if it was working.

“Neither are you,” she replied, suddenly feeling better about calling him. “I want to explain earlier,” she told him. “Can I come over?” she asked, wanting to do it in person, not over the phone. 

“I’ll come pick you up,” he said quickly. “If you’re sure,” he added, not wanting to pressure her. 

“I can make my way over there, you don’t need to drive all the way over here just to drive back to your house,” she told him. It didn’t need to be said that she didn’t want to burden him; it was already understood. “I’m perfectly capable of getting to where I need to go,” she added. 

“I know you are, but I want to,” he told her sincerely. 

“Okay,” she agreed. “Do you mind if I stay over?” she asked, her heart racing, unsure why she would ask such a thing.

“You’re always welcome to stay over,” he confirmed. “I’m leaving now. Do you want me to stay on the phone?” he asked.

“No,” she shook her head even though he couldn’t see her. “I need to talk to Finn, he’s worried about me.”

“Okay, I’ll let you know when I’m there,” he told her before they reluctantly hung up. 

Rey took her time packing to stay at Ben’s house, even if it was for just a night. She knew she was putting off the inevitable of having to talk to her friends, but wanted to prolong it as son as possible. She took extra time to compose herself even after she had already finished packing a few things into a bag; it wasn’t as if she had a lot to bring even if she wanted to. When Rey finally emerged from her room she saw Rose, Finn, and Poe sitting on their couch, all very worried. “Rey,” Finn got up, taking in her appearance. “Are you okay? Do I need to kick someone’s ass?” 

“I’m fine,” she said honestly. “I was just talking to Ben earlier and he said some things that brought some memories back. Its not like he knew it’d bring back some bad memories, he was trying to be nice. I just needed some time to myself,” Rey tried to explain without going into detail. 

“Is that where you were last night?” Rose asked suggestively, trying to lighten the mood. She could tell that Rey didn’t want to talk about whatever happened that had led to her breakdown and knew that Finn would try to pry the information out of her. He meant well but he was a little overprotective when it came to Rey. 

“Yes,” Rey blushed. “But nothing happened,” she quickly added. “I’m going over there again tonight, just to kind of explain what’s going on. I could tell he felt bad and it’s just easier to do in person,” she figured it would be easier to rip it off like a band aid and explain where she was going and why she was holding a bag before they even asked. By the look on Rose’s face she could tell what she was thinking and quickly and unconvincingly, argued, “It’s no like that! But I am staying over, it’s kinda a long drive for him and I don’t have a car.” 

Poe raised an eyebrow and smirked, clearly thinking the same thing as Rose. “Right, and when do we get to meet this Ben?” he asked playfully. “You know, we’ll meet him eventually, he’s helping us record.”

She didn’t have the heart to tell him that they had already met and they clearly hadn’t put two and two together despite the videos being everywhere and everyone talking about Ben Solo. It made her wonder if they even remembered the last name of the man they were supposed to be working with.

“Don’t you mean Kylo Ren?” Finn asked angrily. 

“He’s not Kylo Ren anymore,” Rey frowned. She should have known at least one of them would figure it out.

“Rey, do you not remember how that guy treated you? This is a horrible idea. I cant believe you even agreed to work with him,” Finn exclaimed, upset she didn’t tell them sooner. 

“This is why I didn’t tell you,” Rey let out an exhausted sigh. “Just trust me, he’s different and I was going to tell you, but I knew how you’d react. Please just trust me,” she begged. 

“You really believe anything that comes out of his mouth?” Finn asked. Poe and Rose were silent, not wanting to get between the two friends, despite Finn’s look pleading for them to back him up. 

“Can’t you just trust me?” she asked. “He’s different and you may not get it but he’s a friend,” she admitted. “And only a friend, we both agreed on that already so you don’t have to worry.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t completely the truth either with how she was beginning to feel about the man. “I’ve never written such great songs in my life. He brings out something in me that I didn’t even know was possible,” she added, hoping he’d accept it for the benefit of the band. 

She was almost relieved when her phone went off signaling that Ben had arrived, clearly having broken every speed limit on his way to arrive at her house in record time. “Ben’s here,” she told them, grabbing her bag off the floor where she had dropped it at some point during her argument with Finn. “Just think about what I said, because he’s not going anywhere and we’re all going to have to work with him for the good of the band,” she wasn’t leaving any room for argument. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” 

Finn watched as she left the apartment, confused as to what had just happened. He didn’t understand how she could work with a man like Kylo Ren, no matter what name he was going by. He was going to make it his mission to make her see the error of her ways; he just had to figure out how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any kind of feedback is welcome so let me know what you think. I tried to read it over a few times so hopefully there aren't any typos.


	8. Conflicted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Conflicted by Halestorm
> 
> This song was chosen more for the title than the actual lyrics, but the lyrics fit for certain parts of this chapter. 
> 
> This will likely be the longest chapter of this story but I wasn't sure where else to cut it off. Let me know what you think.

Conflicted. That was the only word she could use to describe her feelings for Ben. One part of her wanted him while the sensible part of her told her it would be a bad idea. They had established in the beginning that their relationship was professional and just to write and record Jedi’s first album. Yet, somewhere in the short time they had known each other it had become personal. He was a friend, but part of her wanted more and some of the looks he gave her made her wonder if he felt the same. 

Her eyes roamed his body as they drove silently back to his house. The tight black shirt did nothing to hide his body; rather, it put it on display and only made her want to see what was underneath. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the reason she was going to his house. This wasn’t a booty call, it was for her to open up to him and tell him what she had told very few people. 

By the time they got to Ben’s house neither knew how to start the conversation. Ben finally broke the silence when they walked in, “Would you like something to drink?” He had decided he wasn’t going to push her to start talking if she wasn’t ready for it, no matter how badly he wanted to know. 

“Water would be great,” she nervously played with her hands as she leaned against his counter. “I guess I should explain,” she hesitated. “That’s why I came here, right?”

“Only if you want to, I’m not going to force you to tell me anything,” he said, looking at her as if he were trying to figure out a puzzle. He was analyzing the situation, trying to figure out what exactly this meant to her. Was it because she trusted him and wanted him to help her write something personal or was their relationship progressing into something else? He wasn’t sure and he wasn’t going to be the first to say anything about the unexpected and emotionally intimate turn their relationship had taken in the past twenty-four hours.

“I’m pretty sure I already mentioned that for part of my life I grew up with a pretty terrible man. What I didn’t tell you was that this was after I was first placed with a wonderful family. I guess the fact that they didn’t want me when they chose to adopt just added to my abandonment issues. I don’t think that I was supposed to know they chose to adopt, but I had over heard them talking about it one night and it made me hope they’d adopt me. Then I was handed over to this man who could talk a good talk but then turned around and treated all of us like we didn’t matter. He’d tell us that we should be happy anyone would care for us. That we were a burden to him and he only did it for the benefits. He threatened us that if we talked to the social worker about it they wouldn’t believe it and once they left there would be consequences so we all kept our mouths shut. I used to count the days I was in the foster care system in an old notebook I managed to scavenge out of the trash while I was searching for anything useful that could make sure I’d get dinner that night. He laughed and called me a scavenger; I was seven when it started. Part of me was so angry at my parents and former foster parents for abandoning me but the rest of me just waited for the day my parents would show up and say they had been searching for me,” she could feel the tears falling from her eyes and refused to make eye contact with him. He didn’t say anything, just placed his hand over hers in an attempt to be comforting. “The day I left that place I never looked back. When I met Finn and Poe things got better, but it doesn’t stop me from wondering when they’re going to abandon me too. Everyone leaves, just like you will once we’re done recording.”

“Rey,” Ben said softly. “I’m not going to just leave you once this is done. I’m one call away if you need me. Even if I can’t talk in that moment, I’ll always call you back. I’ll find time to talk to you no matter how crazy it gets,” he said sincerely. Ben wanted to protect her, to hold her and tell her everything would be okay, but he knew that’d be crossing a line that he wasn’t sure she wanted him to cross. 

She finally looked up at him to see just how genuine he was. The look in his eyes told her that he wasn’t lying to her, but the worry would never go away. “We both know that you might not be able to keep that promise, no matter how much you might want to,” her voice was barely above a whisper. 

“I know,” he frowned. “But I’m going to do everything I can to keep that promise.” He moved closer to her, his thumb wiping away the tear falling down her right cheek. “You have to realize how strong you are; most people wouldn’t have made it through everything you have.”

It felt so intimate being so close to him, having him wipe away her tears. She couldn’t help but lean into his touch, it felt right and made her wonder what it would feel like to melt into his arms. She decided then that she didn’t want to talk anymore, she pulled him close and kissed him. She could tell that he was surprised, but he still kissed her back with just as much passion. 

Rey moved her hands into his hair, causing him to let out a small moan. The moan snapped him out of the moment and back to reality. Ben quickly pulled away, “Rey, we can’t do this.”

“Why not?” she asked vulnerably. “I want you and I can tell you want me just as much, you wouldn’t have kissed me like that if you didn’t want me.”

“I’m not going to lie to you Rey,” Ben put some more space in between them. “I want you so much that it confuses me. But you’re in a very vulnerable place right now and I’m not going to take advantage of that just because I want you. If anything happens, I want you to be in the right state of mind and not because you’re looking for comfort,” he explained. His entire being was conflicted. The primal part of him wanted to pull her close and kiss her until she understood just how much he wanted her; but the rational part of him told him that it would be taking advantage of her and he couldn’t break her trust like that. Rey already had trust issues, she didn’t need him to add to those issues by taking something she didn’t really want to give and was only offering because she was in such an emotional state.

“Will you at least hold me while we watch a movie?” she asked weakly. 

Ben nodded, rationalizing that they were friends and friends comforted each other. Cuddling with her on the couch wouldn’t be crossing a line to the same extent as kissing her. “I’ll make some popcorn, you go find something funny to watch,” he instructed, knowing that they needed to lighten the mood and no action or drama movie would be able to do that. 

Rey nodded and made her way to his living room to pick a movie. Ben appeared a moment later with popcorn. He took a seat on the couch, placing the bowl on the side table before pulling her to him. He placed an arm around her, allowing her to use his chest as a pillow just like the night before. It felt right to have her in his arms and he only hoped that she felt the same way in the morning. 

At that moment Rey’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest as she lay in his arms. She wasn’t even sure what was going on in the movie because she was so overwhelmed by the feeling of his arm around her and the unique sent that she could only describe as Ben Solo. She knew what she wanted, even with how conflicted she was originally. It brought a smile to her face thinking how sweet it was that he would put aside his feelings because he didn’t want her to feel like she made a mistake by kissing him. 

About a half hour through the movie Ben heard Rey softly snoring. He didn’t want to wake her up, but he knew that she’d be much more confortable in a bed. “Rey,” he said softly nudging her to take her up. “Rey, wake up,” he said a little more sternly.

Rey blinked a few times before sitting up and looking at him, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” 

“It’s okay, I just figured you’d be more comfortable in a bed. I’ll show you to the spare room,” he sat up completely, stretching as he got up. “Come on,” he offered her his hand to help her up, which she took and refused to let go. 

Ben looked at where she had intertwined their fingers and smiled, “Let’s grab your bag from the kitchen.” She nodded and he led her towards the kitchen, grabbing her bag for her before moving toward the spare room. “If you need me I’ll be down the hall,” he told her, to which she nodded, but still didn’t let go of his hand. “There’s an attached bathroom if you want to shower or take a bath,” he added before reluctantly letting her hand go. “We’ll talk in the morning,” he promised before moving toward the master bedroom. 

She walked into the bedroom and was shocked by the sheer size of it considering it was just a spare room. Rey couldn’t imagine what his room must look like if the spare room was so nice. Rey wandered into the bathroom deciding that a shower sounded nice. What she found was a luxurious bathroom with a state of the art shower and a jet bathtub. The bathroom alone was the size of her living room and kitchen combined. She turned on the shower to let the water heat up and looked around for a towel, which were hanging near the shower. Once the water was heated she stepped into the shower, letting the water run over her. It wasn’t the hard water that she was used and she wondered if that was why Ben’s hair was so soft or if it was just a combination of expensive hair products. As she showered all she could think was the only thing missing from the shower was Ben. Shower sex was never easy, but there was a large ledge seat that would help make it much easier. Part of her imagined what it would feel like if it were his hands washing her body. Her hands traveled down her body and thought about taking care of her problem, but knew it would probably be inappropriate with him right down the hall so she quickly finished her shower and got out. 

She looked in the mirror, her eyes were still red and puffy and she could see why Ben would be hesitant to take things any further. Rey was not in a good mental state after telling him everything, she wanted to be comforted and Ben had been worried that’s the only reason she kissed him. The truth was, she was still conflicted. She wanted Ben but after how Finn reacted to just a friendship with him she also didn’t want Finn to abandon her for having a relationship. After running the scenarios through her head she knew she had to tell Ben what she wanted, but she wasn’t sure how he’d react to her terms.

Meanwhile, Ben was in bed staring at the ceiling, his mind running wild. He questioned himself as to why he would tell her how he felt. It was true, he was attracted to her; he genuinely liked her and wanted her. His mouth was working faster than his brain. It was a bad idea to get into any sort of relationship with Rey, that much he was sure of, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to get into a relationship with her. It felt perfect to have her in his arms and he wanted more of that feeling. Despite his confliction, he couldn’t help but think that if she wanted him, it might be worth the risk. He said they’d talk in the morning, but he wasn’t sure there was any way he’d be able to sleep knowing that what she said the next day would likely change everything in their relationship. Either it would be awkward because she was just caught up in the moment or something more would be between them and he was desperately hoping for it to be the latter. 

When Ben finally fell asleep, it was not exactly a restful night’s sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Rey and she was haunting his dreams. He’d had dreams about Rey in the past, but not to the extent he had that night. He dreamt about how her lips would feel across every part of his body and about worshiping hers. When he woke up he was painfully hard and in need of a cold shower. It would be easy for him to masturbate with down the hall, fantasizing about her joining him in his shower, but that would be wrong and could result in the morning being even more awkward than he knew it was already going to be. So instead he quickly showered and quietly made his way out of his room and to the kitchen to make sure not to wake her up. 

Ben was shocked to find Rey already up, a cup of coffee in her hand as she scrolled her phone. It wasn’t that she was awake that shocked him; it was what she was wearing. He eyes roamed her body hungrily staring at her. There she sat clad only in an oversized shirt and her lacy underwear. “Rey?” he said cautiously, already hardening from looking at her. 

“Moring Ben,” she grinned wickedly, her eyes roaming down to his groin, causing her grin to widen. “Excited for the morning?” she asked. 

Ben’s jaw dropped and he seemed unable to form any words. He could only stand there wide-eyed and turned on as she set down her coffee and made her way to him. “I,” he started but stopped, not sure what to say. 

“I’ve cleared my mind,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she started to run her hand down his chest. He swallowed, but didn’t say anything. “I still want you,” she told him, trying to sound sexy. “I think it’s pretty obvious you still want me,” she smirked, her hand finally brushing over his obvious erection. She had been debating what to do all night and decided she needed to take what she wanted. 

“Yeah,” he confirmed nervously. “I still want you.” Ben couldn’t hold back any longer and quickly pulled her against his body before pulling her into a passionate kiss. “We need to talk about this,” he reluctantly said. 

“We can talk later,” she argued, pulling him back into a kiss as she ran her fingers through his hair. “I’ve been thinking about you all night and I know what I want,” she told him, pushing him back towards his bedroom. “I want you,” she told him kissing his neck.

Despite knowing the layout of his house like the back of his hand, they ran into many things on their way to his room, refusing to pull away until his back was pressed to the door. He moaned as her lips worked down his neck while he fumbled with the doorknob, cursing himself for shutting the door. Once it was finally open she pushed him back onto the bed, taking complete control as she climbed into his lap. 

“There are condoms in the nightstand,” Ben managed to say as she grinded her hips against his. 

She moved and opened the nightstand to find an unopened box of condoms, not sure if she should be happy it was anew box or worried because it meant he used all of the last condoms. 

“It’s been awhile,” he admitted, slightly embarrassed even though they both knew it wasn’t because he didn’t have the opportunity. “But I still make sure to keep some that aren’t expired. Can’t be too careful, right?” he bit his lip, nervous about her response. 

“Good,” she smiled as she opened the box and pulled one out. “Because I don’t share,” she told him possessively as she put it to the side, knowing they wouldn’t need it until later, she planned to take her time with him. Once she settled back into his lap, Rey slowly kissed down his neck before pulling his shirt off and admiring his body. Her eyes continued to roam his body as she pulled off his pants and boxers at the same time. 

“We’re a little uneven here sweetheart,” Ben pointed out, but Rey didn’t listen. Instead, she licked the length of his cock from the balls to the tip before taking him in her mouth, effectively leaving him speechless as he moaned. “Rey,” he said her name like a prayer as she bobbed her head while swirling her tongue around his cock. 

Ben was in heaven, but he knew he wouldn’t last much longer if she kept it up. He pulled her off him, “Your turn.” Ben flipped them so she was on her back. He stared down at her for a moment, taking in just how perfect she looked laid out before him on his bed. He leaned in and kissed her slowly as one of his hands moved under her shirt, playing with her nipples as the other hand held his body weight. 

Rey let out a whine at the loss of contact when he pulled away to take her shirt off, throwing it to the side. “You’re beautiful,” he told her, lust in his eyes, before capturing her breast with his mouth while his free hand resumed playing with her other nipple. 

“Ben,” Rey moaned when he pulled away to switch sides, giving the other nipple the same attention. He planned to take his time and worship every inch of her body like she was a goddess. “Please,” she wasn’t sure if she were begging him to keep going or to move on, or maybe a bit of both. 

He sat up for a moment to rid her of her of the rest of her clothing. Once she was naked he once again paused to just look at her before kissing his way down her body until he got to her pussy. Ben made sure to slowly kiss each one of her thighs before licking her slit. When his tongue started to play with her clit she let out a loud moan, wanting more. He continued his ministrations, adding a finger, causing her to buck her hips a little. She could feel him smirk at the action before using his other hand to gently hold down her hips. “Ben,” she moaned again, wanting more of him. As his tongue continued to move against her sensitive clit, he added another finger, pumping them in and out of her. Rey never thought of herself as loud in bed, but he was causing her to make noises she’d never made before as he expertly explored her body. She came hard with his name on her lips. 

“God you’re sexy,” he told her, licking his lips as he reached for the condom, tearing the wrapper open before rolling it on. “You’re sure this is what you want?” he paused.

“You’re kidding, right?” she asked in a lust filled daze before pulling him back to her and into a passionate kiss. “I told you that I know what I want,” she practically purred. That was all the reassurance that he needed before easing himself into her, pausing to let her adjust to his size. “You can move,” she encouraged him, to which he happily complied. 

If she thought she was loud when he was going down on her, it was nothing compared to the noises she made as he thrust into her. Somehow he seemed to find that perfect spot every time. Once he could tell she was getting close, he began to rub her clit as he picked up the pace. She let out a loud moan with her second orgasm, his following shortly behind as he felt her clinch around him. Ben thrust a few more times as he rode out his orgasm before pulling out of her. 

He took off the condom, tying it off before throwing it into the nearby trash bin before collapsing on the bed next to her. They both took a moment to catch their breath before Rey rolled over and looked at him, “I guess we should talk now.” 

Ben’s eyes widened, he thought it was pretty obvious after what just happened where their relationship was going. “Is that really necessary at this point?” he asked. 

“Trust me, it is,” she told him. Rey felt bad as she saw the look of disappointment and fear on his face. “Don’t get me wrong, I want you,” she quickly told him, which just seemed to confuse him. “I just have one condition and I’m not sure you’re going to agree with it,” she bit her lip not exactly sure how to say it. 

“And what is that condition?” he asked cautiously, but didn’t make eye contact. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to say no to whatever condition she provided him, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to if he were looking directly at her. 

“I need us to be a secret,” she said, waiting his reaction. 

Ben’s jaw dropped, not sure how even to respond, “Excuse me?” 

“Let me explain,” she said quickly, though she could see how uncomfortable he was with the idea. 

“Please do, because I don’t understand why you would want a secret relationship,” he was upset by her words. He wasn’t the secret relationship kind of guy. Ben liked to show off what was his and didn’t want anyone else to even think about touching her. 

“You should have seen the look on Finn and Poe’s faces when I told them where I was going, or more who I was going to be with tonight,” she told him nervously. 

Ben sat up, running a hand through his hair before finally looking at her, “You’re telling me you want to be a secret because of Finn and Poe? Because you don’t think they’ll approve of me? You do realize you’re a fucking adult, right?”

“Ben,” Rey felt as if she might cry again if he turned her down. “I can’t lose them, they’re the only family I have.”

Ben’s heart sank at her words, remembering what she had told him the night before. “Rey, if they’re you’re family they aren’t going to leave you because of the person you’re dating.” He paused a moment, “You can’t have a relationship and not tell anyone. If you plan on having a serious relationship you can’t hide it from your friends forever.” 

“I won’t be forever,” she pleaded. “I know once we’re in the studio and they start working with you they’ll see the other side of you. Just give it some time and let them warm up to the idea of you before we tell them. I promise it won’t be a secret forever.”

Ben wasn’t sure how long he could be a secret, but they were almost done writing the album between what they had worked on together and what they had repurposed from the songs the band had. It would likely only be a month, at most, until they were in the studio. The question was how long it would take for them to warm up to him, if ever. “And what happens if they don’t ever like me?” he asked, knowing very well that she’d chose them over him.

“Then they’re going to just have to deal with it,” she shrugged, “but let me try to get them to like you first.” 

Ben nodded, though he was still hesitant. “Okay, but this can’t be a secret forever,” he agreed.” He wasn’t sure he was making the best move. His head said hell no, but his heart said yes and in that moment he couldn’t deny his heart. “So, did you really just have sex with me to suck me in before telling me your condition?” he asked, not meaning for it to actually come out. 

To his surprise Rey just laughed, “No, I really just couldn’t wait any longer. Though that is a good idea, I’ll have to keep that in mind for next time I need to ask you to do something I know you won’t like.” Rey pulled him back to lie down before curling up next to him with her head on his chest, “Thank you.” 

Ben remained silent, but pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. He stared at the ceiling, once again conflicted as she lay in his arms. He couldn’t help that voice in the back of his mind that had a bad feeling about starting off as a secret and what it would mean for their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this chapter does contain smut, don't expect a lot of it because I never like how I write it. There may or may not be more, but even if there isn't more actual smut there will be more implied.


	9. Here's To Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets can be hard to keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to Us by Halestorm

Rey and Ben were trying to work on a new song. Trying being the key word. The problem was that the turn in their relationship made it much harder to concentrate, even when they were writing in Ben’s makeshift office rather than his house. “I think you’re trying to distract me,” Ben told her as Rey ran her fingers through his hair.

“Maybe I am,” she laughed. “Or maybe I’m just trying to figure out how you get it so soft.” He let out a small laugh, which made her smile. The more she heard his laugh, the more she decided it was her favorite sound. “The last few days have kicked my ass emotionally,” she told him. “Don’t get me wrong, it was completely worth the end result, but I’m exhausted.”

“Which is why we told your band that we were writing yesterday when in reality we were in bed doing absolutely nothing,” he reminded her. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say nothing,” Rey grinned suggestively at the memory. 

“Very true,” he smiled before kissing her. “Definitely doesn’t count as nothing.” 

“So,” Rey started reluctantly. “I was thinking, I know a way that you might be able to get the band to like you more,” she bit her lip and Ben was curious as to where it was going. He didn’t say anything, expecting her to tell him. “You know Rose?” she asked nervously, to which he just nodded. “Well, her sister, Paige, is a bassist.”

Ben immediately knew where this conversation was going and he didn’t like it, “Rey, I can’t just add your friend’s sister to the band because you want your friends to like me.” He move away from her a little so he could turn to look at her.”

“I’m not asking you to,” Rey quickly responded. “I’m just asking you to give her a chance. That’s all. If you don’t like her I’m not asking that you ask her to be part of the band, just that you hear her play. I’m not going to be mad at you if she doesn’t make the band,” she promised. 

Ben let out a sigh, “Okay, but Cass and Jason will be listening first. If they like her I’ll listen, but I’m a little bias right now.” 

Rey beamed at his words, “Thank you.” She practically pounced on him to kiss him. “You won’t regret it!” 

Ben wasn’t able to respond because they both noticed the doorknob turning, causing Rey to jump off him as if he was on fire. She could tell he was a little hurt by her actions, but was trying to act as if nothing was wrong. His face was so expressive it was almost impossible for him to hide what he was feeling.

Jason walked in, looking between the two of them. It was obvious he was suspicious that he had interrupted something, but didn’t say anything about it. “Hey, have you guys looked at social media lately?” he asked. 

“No, why?” Rey asked as she pulled out her phone. Her jaw dropped as she read through multiple posts. Apparently someone had seen them out together, looking too friendly. It wasn’t as if they were kissing, but people were taking their body language and how close they were and saying it meant they were in a relationship. 

“I mean, you guys had to have seen this coming, right? You used to go out almost every night to Jakku Bar after writing,” Jason told them. He wasn’t wrong; they both should have seen it coming, especially once Ben was back in the public eye. 

“But this picture was taken weeks ago,” Rey wasn’t sure how to handle it and was panicking. 

Ben let out a frustrated groan. As much as he didn’t want to deny it, he knew he had to for Rey. He just hoped that it came as frustration for the rumor, not his frustration with Rey for keeping it a secret. It’d be so much easier if he could just own up to it and be seen in public with her with no issues. 

@BenSolo  
Let me set the record straight. Rey is just a close friend. 

Ben went through every social media platform that he was on and posted the same thing, but he wasn’t happy about it. 

“Ben, can I talk to you in private?” Jason asked.

“Yeah,” he got up to follow the other man out of the room. “I’ll be right back,” he told Rey before leaving the room. 

Once they were out the door Jason shut it behind them, “Tell me the truth. Are you two in a relationship?” He crossed his arms, demanding Ben to be honest. 

Ben looked back at the door before looking around to make sure no one was around, “Yes, but you can’t tell anyone and if Rey asks I denied it.”

“She doesn’t want anyone to know,” Jason deduced from Ben’s statement. Ben just nodded in response. “You realize how unhealthy that is for your relationship, right?” Jason huffed, “Do you think this is really a good idea?”

“I know it’s not a good idea, but I can’t help it,” Ben admitted, happy Jason didn’t try to bring the subject up in front of Rey. “She promised it wouldn’t be forever, “ he didn’t even sound convinced. 

“You’re finally in a good place, don’t let some girl ruin that,” Jason warned. “If it becomes too much, break it off.” 

“I know,” Ben frowned, “just let me enjoy it while I can.”

“You don’t think it’s going to work out?” Jason asked. Ben just shrugged, not sure how to answer. He had no idea if their relationship could work eventually. “Then why are you doing this to yourself?” 

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I just can’t help it, I want to be with her.” 

“Be careful,” Jason knew he wasn’t going to be able to talk him out of the relationship with Rey. “If you need someone to talk to I’m here and I’ll be looking for the signs.”

“Thank you,” Ben let out a deep breath. “I should get back to Rey,” he told him, not waiting for a response before walking back into the room, shutting the door behind him. 

“Everything okay?” Rey asked as he sat next to him. 

“I just hate lying to the people close to me,” he told her, hoping she believed him. He knew he wasn’t the best liar, which is why he refused to look at her. 

Rey felt her heart break a little for him, “I know. I promise it will only be for a little bit.” She couldn’t help but wonder if they were doing the right thing, “You know no one believes your post.” 

“Didn’t expect them to,” he told her as he grabbed his guitar. “Let’s just start writing,” it wasn’t a suggestion and she hated how distant he was being, but she just nodded. 

“I want something that just celebrates the band. Just something positive to balance out some of the angst that we’ve written. A song that just says ‘here’s to us’ and how we’ve made something out of nothing,” she told him. 

“I like it, let’s build off the ‘here’s to us’ idea,” he agreed. They fell back into their confortable routine of writing and bouncing ideas off each other. The tension fell away, though they both knew it was there in the background. It wasn’t healthy for them to not talk to about it, but both of them worried about what would come from that kind of conversation. 

Ben stretched, they had been working at it for hours and it was getting late, “We can pick this up again tomorrow. I’m tired.” 

“Sounds good,” she smiled. “Do you want me to come over for a while tonight?” she asked, hoping he’d say yes. 

“Given the rumors it’s probably best if you don’t,” he told her, causing her heart to sink. “Besides, I don’t think I’d be very good company tonight, I’m tired,” added with a half-hearted smile. 

“Right, that’s probably for the best,” she nodded. Their relationship had just started and it felt like it was already falling apart. “We’re going to be alright, right?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I’m just tired, but I’ll drive you home,” he told her, not giving her a chance to argue as he signaled for her to follow him. “Have Paige call my mom and set something up, I’ll let her know to expect the call,” he told her, changing the subject as they walked to his car. 

Their car rides had never felt awkward until that night. Neither of them knew what to say in that moment. It was clear that it was not okay, no matter how normal they tried to act. When they pulled up to her house it was almost a relief. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” smiled before grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. Both knew she couldn’t kiss him goodnight because someone might be watching. 

“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” he smiled, trying to figure out how to get things back to normal. No other words were said as she got out. He waited for her to go inside before driving away. 

He tried to get his mind off of Rey by calling his mother, his phone connecting to his car as he drove. “Ben? Is everything okay?” Leia asked when she answered. It wasn’t like him to call her at that time of night. 

“Yeah, everything is fine,” he lied. “I just wanted to let you that Rey’s friend Paige will probably be contacting the label. She’s a bassist and I told Rey I’d let her audition for the position,” he explained. “I’m going to have Jason and Cass listen first to see if she’s any good.”

“Why? Are there some truth to those rumors?” his mother asked knowingly. 

“No,” he lied again, which he hated. He had worked so hard to not lie to her anymore, “But Rey is a good friend, so I don’t want to possibly be bias.” It hurt him to lie and he knew he had to get off the phone before he kept lying to her, “Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up in case she calls before we talk again. I’m driving I should probably go.”

“Okay,” Leia responded skeptically. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” 

“Of course,” he answered, happy she couldn’t see the look on his face in that moment. “Everything is fine,” he told her, trying to convince himself it was true. 

“Okay, love you, drive safe,” she reluctantly dropped the subject.

“Love you too mom,” he said before he hung up. He drove in silence, turning off the radio so he could think. At that moment he decided he’d just have to get over it and accept that she wanted to keep it a secret for the time being. He knew it would be easier said than done, but he wouldn’t let this ruin their relationship. She promised it would only be for a little bit and he just had to trust her. 

When he got home he quickly pulled out his phone to text Rey, ‘Sorry about today I promise everything is okay.’

It took a moment for her to respond, ‘It doesn’t feel like it.’ 

He read the message a few times before he replied, ‘Come over tomorrow night and I’ll prove to you everything is okay.’

Ben was happy when her response was almost instant, ‘I look forward to it.’ A moment later she sent him the heart emoji in multiple colors. 

He smiled and text back, ‘Goodnight sweetheart’

Ben wasn’t sure what she thought of pet names, but he was hoping she liked him calling her sweetheart. He wasn’t sure that he could stop; it felt too natural. His worries were calmed when she responded, ‘Goodnight babe.’ 

It didn’t matter that it was a very generic endearment, he was just happy they seemed to be getting back on the right track.


	10. Go to War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter is mainly regarding the war Hux is trying to start with Ben at the end of this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Go to War by Nothing More
> 
> I meant to have this chapter up last week, so you get a little bit of a longer chapter with some mature content at the end, though I wouldn't really count it as full on smut. 
> 
> Also, I'm thinking about making a series of one-shots related to this story. Most would be considered prequels, snapshots into their lives before this story begins, like when Rey and Ben first met and the aftermath right after he left Star Killer. But I'm also thinking just some one-shots that if they were in the story might be considered filler chapters to get show a bit more of the tender/fluffy moments in Rey and Ben's relationship. Maybe practice some more smut. Let me know what you think and if you like the idea if there are any certain things you'd like to see.

Ben knew that no one was going to believe them that they said they weren’t together, but he wasn’t expecting them to come up with names for their relationship. People couldn’t seem to agree which one was the best, but there were multiple. Reylo seemed the most common, but it didn’t make sense to him since he was no longer Kylo Ren, unless they were mixing her name with his last name. Other people said ReyBen, which some said sounded too much like Ray-Ban. Then there was Bey, in addition to multiple random ones that people with nothing better to do came up with. He just shook his head, “People are naming us as a couple.” 

Rey laughed, “I know, it’s funny.” She no longer panicked at the thought of people shipping them. In fact, she was taking it much better than Ben would have thought and it gave him hope that she was changing her mind. “But you should have seen Finn’s reaction at the mere thought, it wasn’t pretty.” 

“I’m sure it wasn’t,” he responded uncomfortably. He shifted in his seat, “but that’s not really what I want to talk about right now.” They were once again in his makeshift office, working on finishing writing Jedi’s album. Ben was seated across from Rey, both of their notebooks spread out on the coffee table in front of them. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” she asked, worried that he was going to say no and break it off. 

“I just need some time to get used to,” he told her, “but I want to make this work.” He saw the look on her face and moved to the couch she was sitting on, pulling her to his side, “I mean it.” Ben tried to say it with conviction, but it still seemed difficult for her to believe. 

“Promise?” she asked vulnerably. 

“I promise,” he pulled her in for a gentle, chaste kiss. “Are you still going to come over tonight after Finn’s reaction?” 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she smiled. Finn was not going to control their relationship, even if he somewhat controlled when they’d be going public about it. 

“Paige reached out to my mom,” Ben told her with a smile. “She’s meeting with Cass and Jason this afternoon.” 

“That was fast!” Rey grinned, “They’re going to love her, I know it!” 

Ben smiled at how excited she was, but at the same time it worried him. He had no idea if Paige would fit in with the group, but he didn’t want to disappoint her. It was the main reason he was not the one Paige would be seeing first. After the look Rey gave him, he knew there was no way he could say no if it were solely up to him. “I’m sure they will, but don’t get too excited in case they don’t,” Ben bit his lip, hating the way her eyes dulled at his words. “I’m not saying she won’t be a good fit, I just don’t want you to get your hopes up too high in case she isn’t. She at least realizes who I was, right?”

“You have to live under a rock not to know by now,” Rey rolled her eyes. “But yes, I warned her when I suggested it to her.” 

“Good, now let’s get to work so we can finish writing and get you guys into the studio,” Ben smiled. He was more anxious than ever to get into the studio and, hopefully, have her friends warm up to him so they didn’t have to lie to everyone. 

“That ready to get rid of me, huh?” Rey teased.

“You caught me,” he joked, giving her a quick kiss before grabbing his notebook off the table. 

“Fine, I guess we can work, so long as we get to play later,” she winked. 

“Keep teasing and we’re not going to be getting any work done,” he warned.

“Well, maybe I don’t want to work,” she told him, biting her lip. 

Ben just shook his head, “Don’t you want to get your first album done and get your music out there? Start touring and all the shit that comes along with it.” 

“Honestly? I’m terrified at the idea. What if people hate us?” Rey was worried that she would remain nothing, just another rock band that never made it. She worried they would always be a band using a van to travel and playing small venues/bars for nothing. They were almost done with the writing process and moving to the next step scared her, for more reasons than she wanted to admit. Not only did moving on mean being closer to finishing the album, it also meant the rest of the band meeting Ben and possibly hating him. 

“You’re far to talented for that,” he assured her. 

“You’re a little bias,” she laughed. “I am sleeping with you after all,” Rey pointed out with a smile. 

“I thought you were talented even with you hated me,” he admitted. “Far too good to be some underage kid pretending to be old enough to playing at a bar.” 

“See, if you could just be this sweet to everyone then people would like you more,” she kissed him. 

“Hm, do you really want me being this sweet to all of the women I meet?” he asked playfully. “I mean, you got jealous enough when I was trying to recruit Cass for my band.” 

Rey blushed, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She didn’t want to admit that she wanted to punch the woman when she first met her because she had been irrationally jealous. 

“It’s okay, I’d be jealous too if I thought you wanted to be with someone else,” he smiled. “Though you handled it a lot better than I probably would have.”

“You knew I was jealous?” she asked, part of her wondering why he didn’t make a move back then if he had already known she wanted him.

“I couldn’t be sure, but I had my suspicions. I wasn’t sure if it was because you were jealous or if I just wanted you to be.” Ben shifted in his seat, always a little uncomfortable when it came to admitting his feelings. 

“Alright, let’s finish this so we can get in the studio,” she smiled, “but don’t you dare think you’re getting rid of me once we’re done.” 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Ben couldn’t help but wonder how he’d gotten so lucky as he looked at Rey smiling back at him. 

It was about an hour into their writing session and they were on a roll, mainly going over and tweaking songs that were already written to get them studio ready. They had basically written the album, maybe needing one or two more songs written before they could get into the studio. Ben’s phone went off with a text alert, pulling them out of their focus. ‘Pretty sure Paige isn’t going to work out,’ Jason had text him. 

Ben frowned at the message before responding, ‘Why?’

‘Let’s just say her and Cass aren’t playing nice,’ it wasn’t necessarily surprising to Ben. He hadn’t been sure how Cass would respond to another woman in the band. ‘You should come see for yourself,’ Jason’s suggestion made Ben curious enough to stop the session and see what was going on. Part of it was curiosity, the other part was out of hope he could get the women to play nice. 

“So, do you want to see a cat fight?” he asked as he put away his phone. “I guess Cass and Paige did not get off to a good start,” he explained when Rey gave him a confused look in response. 

“That’s impossible, everyone likes Paige,” Rey was shocked to hear that they weren’t getting along. 

“You’ve met Cass, right?” Ben chuckled, knowing the woman could be a little much at first, but once someone got to know her she wasn’t so bad. It helped that she was a kickass drummer and that Ben and Jason had learned to deal with difficult personalities a long time ago. “I’m going to go see what’s going on.”

Rey nodded, getting up to follow him. It was disappointing to her to think that Paige wouldn’t be a good fit for the band. She was hoping to have an ally that would see the good side of Ben and talk him up to her band. Unfortunately, it looked like that wasn’t going to happen and Ben still wouldn’t have a bassist.

The room they had commandeered to meet Paige wasn’t very far from Ben’s writing room and a few minutes later they were walking in to find Paige and Cass arguing. “So, what’s going on here?” Ben interrupted, his deep voice carrying above the two women’s argument. 

“For starters she was late,” Cass snapped in response. 

“It’s not my fault there was an accident on the freeway,” Paige snapped back, her arms crossed in a defensive stance. 

Ben looked at her and understood why Cass probably didn’t like her. It wasn’t as if the girl was unattractive, she just put no effort into her appearance. While Cass wouldn’t care if the woman were dolled up, she didn’t like the ripped jeans, old faded hoodie, and ratty Converse as a first impression. Her dark hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, showcasing her lack of make-up. It wasn’t as if the woman needed make-up, but it wasn’t helping her cause in Cass’ eyes when it came to her believing the woman had no care about first impressions. If that was how she showed up for what was basically and interview, what would she wear for an interview on television? 

In reality, Paige had always had more important things to worry about than her appearance and so she never put much thought into it. Growing up she had to take care of her sister from a young age when their parents unexpectedly were murdered in an armed robbery. At the age of eighteen she was forced to be her sister’s caregiver, taking on odd jobs to support them. Needless to say, her appearance had taken back seat to making sure that they were fed and taken care of. 

Ben sighed; this was the exact situation that he had not wanted to be put into. “I know you’re not just pissed because she was late, what else is going on?” he asked as he walked further into the room, sitting down in one of the empty chairs. Rey followed suit, sitting next to him, equally as curious as to what happened, if not more.

“She has no fucking idea why she wants to be in this band! It makes me wonder if this is just some kind of stepping stone for her to start a career,” Cass hissed, glaring at Paige. 

“To be fair you wanted nothing to do with us at first,” Jason pointed out, causing Cass’ glare to shift to him. “Just saying,” he mumbled. 

“Isn’t that what everyone is looking for when they first join a band? A way to break into the music industry, it’s not like we all grew up together and are close friends. We have no idea if this band is going to work out or if we’ll crash and burn and end up going our separate ways,” Ben frowned, but he knew it was true. The future was no guarantee and at any point someone could decide they are done and leave, at which point the rest of them would just have to find someone else. It happened, especially when a band was just thrown together and had no prior connections. “But if you’re not going to be able to work together then I’m sorry Paige, but it’s not going to work out. Cass became part of this band first,” he told her.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Jason chimed in. “We haven’t even heard her play,” he told Ben. “If she’s amazing we can’t pass up having a bassist.”

“You realize I’m still in the room, right?” Paige asked. “If she’s going to treat me like this, then I want nothing to do with this band and good luck finding someone that will,” she refused to be treated as if she were trash. 

Ben felt a headache coming on; he had not wanted to spend his day calming down two women. “Cass, are you going to be able to play nice or are we just wasting time?” he asked, expecting an honest answer. 

“I can play nice,” she wasn’t very convincing, but Ben knew she was just being stubborn. He remembered when they first met and knew Cass just needed to respect someone before accepting them with open arms. If Paige could play then he knew Cass would come around, but he wasn’t sure about Paige. 

“What about you?” he turned to Paige. “If she plays nice, will you?” 

“She started it,” Paige mumbled, to which Rey gave her a disappointed look. “Yes, I can play nice,” she said louder. 

“Good, now let’s hear you play,” Ben suggested, knowing if she were shit then it wouldn’t even matter. He signaled for her to pick up the guitar, “I’m assuming you have something prepared. Did you write it yourself or are you doing something from another band?” the question was more to get a feel as to if she were capable of writing her own rifts and would be able to tell him what she was comfortable with and if she would provide insight as to if she thought there was something she thought would sound better. 

“Wrote it myself,” she told him as she picked up her bass. Cass tried to appear unimpressed by Paige’s playing, but she was impressed and it annoyed her. Jason just smiled, always happy to show his feelings, so opposite from Ben and Cass. He was the light they needed in the band that kept them positive. Ben was trying to remain neutral until he heard what Jason and Cass thought. 

When she finished playing Ben broke the silence, “I think we need to talk as a band for a moment.” Paige and Rey nodded before heading out of the room. 

Paige was nervously pacing outside of the room, “Do you think they liked me? I mean I know Cass is kind of a bitch, but this is a great opportunity.”

“Cass is an acquired taste,” Rey told her, knowing she hated her at first but the woman was a hell of a drummer. “I’m sure they loved you, you’re amazing,” she assured her, hoping that she was right. 

Before Paige could say anything Jason opened the door, “Okay, come on in.” 

Rey and Paige walked in silently, not knowing what to expect. “I don’t mean to be rude,” Cass started. 

“Cass,” Ben said in a warning tone, causing the woman to huff. 

“I said I don’t mean to be rude,” she argued. “Anyway, as I was saying, I don’t mean to be rude, but if you’re going to be in this band we’re going to need some kind of make over,” she told Paige. “Nothing huge, just clothing that doesn’t look ten years old and taking a brush to your hair.” 

“Way to not be rude,” Ben said sarcastically. “What Cass is trying to say is, you’re an amazing bassist, but we’re going to have to talk about first impressions. As much as we don’t want to have to give a shit about how we look, it is part of the industry and we don’t want you to be ripped apart and judged based solely on how you dress,” he explained, trying to be a little more delicate about it. 

“One other thing you need to know, we have a strict no drug policy,” Jason told her. “And when I mean strict, it is in the contract and if you break it you will have two choices; either you can get clean or you can leave the band. It is in all of our contracts and nonnegotiable,” he informed her. 

“That won’t be a problem,” she assured them. “Does that mean I have the job?”

“If you want it,” Cass confirmed. “But as Ben said, we have to play nice, so I guess we’ll have to call a truce,” she offered her hand to shake. 

“Sounds like a deal,” Paige took her hand. 

“Good, you can meet with Leia tomorrow. While I know and trust what’s in the contract, I suggest you look it over with a lawyer because there are very specific terms and if you can’t agree to them then don’t bother,” he told her. 

“What else besides the drugs? Is there a no dating a band member?” she joked. 

“I couldn’t give a fuck if you date a band member so long as you don’t cause drama or break up the band because of it,” Ben told her, though he was looking at Cass and Jason when he said it. “If you don’t have a drug issue then you should be fine, but that includes associating with people that do or sell drugs,” he informed her. “Just read it over and if you agree to the terms once you sign it we can start talking music,” he said. “But understand, I am working on a project with Jedi right now and nothing will be recorded until that is done, so this won’t be a jump into the studio kind of thing.”

“Understood,” she smiled as she looked at Rey. “I fully support Jedi, you won’t have to worry about that being a problem.”

“I figured,” Ben nodded. “Anyway, you guys interrupted a very productive writing session, so we’re going to get back to it,” he motioned for Rey to follow him as he got up. “After all, we can’t start our album until this one is done,” he said. 

“He just wants to get it done and get rid of me,” Rey joked before following Ben out of the room happily. “I suggest you two get to know each other better, you might have more in common than you think,” she called to Paige and Cass before leaving the room completely. 

As Ben and Rey walked back to the other room, Rey decided to hop on Twitter again to find a barrage of notifications. It wasn’t surprising, ever since people had started shipping them as a couple she had more notifications a day than she could keep track of, but the main one caused her to stop in her tracks. “That asshole,” she growled. 

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked, concerned as to why she stopped. Rey didn’t answer, she just showed him the phone. 

@Hux  
Can we stop with this Reylo BS? Isn’t obvious that @ReyofSunshine and @Jedi are just using @BenSolo to get attention? Ben is just a phase, once the hype is gone and his career is done again she’ll be gone too. 

Ben saw red as he read the post, quickly getting his phone out to respond. 

@BenSolo replying to @Hux  
Well, if anyone knows anything about using me it would be you considering you used me for a decade. You want a war? Fine, but leave @ReyofSunshine and @Jedi out of this. 

Rey looked at Ben’s response, “You don’t have to get into a Twitter war with him over me.”

“I knew it was coming, the guy is an asshat, it was only a matter of time before he started trying to attack the people around me. He wants a war then he’s got one. Trust me, you’re worth it,” Ben said, wishing in that moment they weren’t in a hallway and he could kiss her. 

It wasn’t even a minute later that Hux’s response came. 

@ Hux replying to @BenSolo  
I never used your drugged ass @StarKiller is better without you in it 

Ben just laughed at the post, knowing he was getting under the other man’s skin. He knew he shouldn’t stoop to his level, but he couldn’t help it. 

@BenSolo replying to @Hux  
That’s great I must have missed where the last @StarKiller album went platinum…oh wait, it didn’t even go gold 

That was how Ben Solo broke Twitter with one post. The ridiculous number of retweets and replies as to Hux getting “burned” or how Star Killer hadn’t had a top-selling album since Ben left. His favorite was people telling Hux just how shitty the last Star Killer albums have been since Ben left and how if anyone was getting washed up and looking for attention it was Hux, not Rey and Ben. However the most ruthless fans were the Reylo shippers, who just about tore Hux to shreds. There were a few people to defend Hux, they were far outweighed by Ben’s supporters. 

“Looks like I don’t need to fight, other people are doing it for me,” Ben told her. “How about instead of writing we go back to my place,” he suggested, “remind you why you should stick around after we’re done working together.”

“That sounds amazing,” she smiled back. “I could use a reminder, maybe a few reminders actually,” she winked at him. 

He moved closer to her, though no one else was around he lowered his voice so only she could hear it, “Well, I guess we better go before I remind you right here where anyone could find us.”

Rey’s heartbeat sped up, his words made her wetter than she expected. “Take me home, now,” she demanded with lust filled eyes. He didn’t need to be told twice as they practically ran to his car. 

Rey was sure that Ben broke every speed limit to get to his house in record time. It didn’t help that she had been teasing him the whole ride home, her hand slowly moving up and down his thigh as he drove. It took everything in him to concentrate on driving and not pulling over to take her on the side of the busy street. They barely made it in the door before he was pushing her up against the wall. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep my hands off you?” he asked, grinding into her as he kissed down her neck. She moaned as he palmed her breast through her shirt, “It’s torture not being able to make sure everyone knows you’re mine.” 

Rey wasn’t sure how to respond so she just pulled him back for a kiss, making him moan as she rolled her hips against his. She let out a little squeak as he picked her up and headed for the bedroom. They both decided no other words needed to be exchanged; they just wanted each other in that moment. 

As he deposited her on his bed he couldn’t help but think how perfect she looked in that moment. He wanted to mark her and show the rest of the world she was his, but he knew he couldn’t. Instead he climbed on top of her, supporting his weight on his forearms as he roughly kissed her. Normally they would start off slower, taking their time with each other as he worshipped her body. However, it was not one of those nights. That night was almost primal as they practically ripped the clothes off, not caring where they land. He still made sure she came first, but there was nothing slow and tender about it. 

The sex was rough and Rey couldn’t help but be turned on. While it was nice when they took their time, there was something sexy about the way he took her and pounded into her. His pace was fast and the look on his face showed that in that moment he had lost control. Knowing she had done that, that she had caused him to have such pent up sexual frustration was an ego boost. It made her feel powerful in a way that she had such an effect on him. 

Rey could tell he was close when he started rubbing her clit, making sure she climaxed one more time before he did. She moaned his name as she came again, clenching around him and causing his orgasm shortly thereafter. Ben caught his breath for a moment before pulling out and collapsing next to her before taking off the condom and throwing it in the trashcan next to the bed. 

“I need to get you frustrated more often,” she told him, also catching her breath. “Don’t get me wrong, sex is always great and I love when you go down on me, but this side of you is hot.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he smirked. “Maybe next time I’ll have to tie you up and teach you a lesson.” 

She had never thought about bondage, but those words coming out of his mouth mad her wonder what it would be like to have no control. “Maybe you should,” she surprised him by saying as she rolled over so she was lying on top of him. “But not tonight,” she added. “I think you’ve worn me out.”

“Are you staying the night?” he asked, hoping the answer would be yes. 

“After that performance? How could I not?” she replied, not wanting to leave the comfort of his arms. She knew that she’d have to make up an excuse in the morning to tell her roommates, but that was a problem for tomorrow. Tonight, she was going to enjoy being with him as she drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about Twitter and the length of posts, so if this is inaccurate that's why. 
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you think of the story and if I should continue it.


	11. End of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song: End of Me by Apocalyptica ft. Gavin Rossdale 
> 
> Some cracks are starting to form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for this chapter and the direction this story seems to be going there is a reason. 
> 
> Also, sorry for the long wait time for the update. I was having some writers block and then got extremely busy.

Chapter 11: End of Me

Ben woke to the sound of Rey’s phone ringing. He cursed when he recognized the ringtone as Finn’s. Frankly, Ben wasn’t looking forward to hearing whatever dumb reason Rey gave him for not coming home that night. He couldn’t wait for the day that Rey decided to tell everyone. “Rey, get up and answer your phone,” he grumbled, pushing her to wake up. 

“Fuck, its Finn,” she quickly got out of bed. “Hey Finn,” she answered, trying to act normal. “Sorry I didn’t text you last night, we fell asleep during a writing session,” she lied. “I’ll be home this afternoon,” she promised. 

“Okay, we were just worried about you,” Finn said, skeptical of her response but not wanting to believe the alternative. “I’ll see you later.” 

When Rey hung up Ben’s brain couldn’t seem to filter his thoughts directly after unexpectedly being woken up, “You know, sometimes it feels like Finn is your boyfriend and I’m your side piece.” 

“You know it’s not like that,” Rey replied sadly. She had thought he’d accepted their relationship being a secret, but it was clear that he was hiding his true feelings. “You promised we were okay.”

“We are,” he said, though neither of them completely believed his words. “I’m sorry, it’s just taking me a while to get use to it,” Ben got up and moved to her, pulling her back into bed. “I’m working on it.” 

“It won’t be forever,” she told him as she pressed her face against his chest. 

“You know what might help?” he grinned as he pulled her further up his body as if she weighed nothing. “Morning sex,” he told her, pulling her in for a kiss as he tried to forget the rest of the world and her stupid excuses as to why they couldn’t just bet together like a normal couple. Before they could get very far Ben’s phone rang, causing him to groan. “It’s my mother,” his words immediately killing the mood.

“You better get it then,” sighed as she rolled off him. It was already a frustrating morning. 

“Hey mom,” he tried to sound as normal as possible and not like he was frustrated by her call. “What’s up?” he asked, hoping to get off the phone as quickly as possible so he could make breakfast and hopefully rekindle the mood before Rey went home. 

“I have a favor to ask,” she told him. He didn’t say anything, he just waited expectantly for her to continue, “You remember that instrumental band you worked with about a year ago, The X-Wings?” 

“Yeah, what about them?” he asked. He knew one of their songs with a featured singer, Cassian Andor, had made it big. They were cool guys that were fun to work with, but they hadn’t really kept in contact since completing the album. 

“Well, Cassian just found out he needs to have emergency surgery and cannot perform. He’s on bed rest for at least a month,” she explained and he did not like where it was going. “They’re supposed to perform the song at the Grammy’s, I was hoping you’d fill in for him.”

“You’re serious?” he asked, it was clearly not his day. 

“If you don’t they’ll fill they’re spot with someone else and rumor is that it’ll be Star Killer. They just released a new album and it’s not going over well, they need the publicity. I don’t think your feud with Hux is helping them any,” she told him. “Please?” 

“The Grammy’s are literally a week away, that’s not a lot of time to practice. I know the song, I wrote it, but that doesn’t mean I’m performance ready. It’s been a long time,” he argued. “There isn’t anyone else that can do it?”

“No one that knows it like you. Don’t give me stupid excuses, you’re always performance ready.”

“No need for flattery, I’ll do it,” he sighed. “You just had to throw Star Killer in there,” he mumbled.

“I figured that’d be my last resort,” she laughed. “Thank you sweetheart. Meet them at the studio in an hour, I have a space for you guys to rehearse already set up,” she told him.

“That confident I’d say yes?” he asked.

“Love you,” he could hear the smile in her voice. 

“Love you too, mom,” he hung up and frowned at Rey. “I have to go,” he told her. 

“Grammy’s?” she asked, curious as to the conversation. 

“Cassian needs surgery, if I don’t they’re likely going to have Star Killer perform and I like The X-Wings far more than Star Killer. I did write the song and produce it, I guess I’m the logical choice,” he shrugged as he started a group text with his band, making sure none of them had an issue with it. 

“Honestly, it’ll probably be a good thing for your band. Keep people interested in you and getting something from your band,” she told him and he knew she was probably right. It wouldn’t be close enough that it would distract from their album release, but close enough that it would keep people interested and anticipating the release. 

“Yeah, as much as I hate to say it, you need to get dressed and I’ll drive you home,” he sighed. “I’m going to need to get as much practice in with them as possible, I probably won’t see you much this week,” Ben said before giving her a quick, chaste kiss. “After that we can finally get into the studio, I’ll talk to my mom about booking a time for it.”

“I’m going to miss our writing sessions, what excuse will we have now for me sleeping over?” she joked. 

“The fact that you’re my girlfriend,” he suggested, but the look she gave him was not the answer he wanted. “Let’s get ready, I need to meet up with them,” he quickly changed the subject as he got out of bed and towards his closet. 

“Ben,” she started but didn’t know what to say. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he told her as he pulled on a pair of boxers. She just nodded and got dressed in silence. Ben couldn’t help but wonder if it was already the beginning of the end for them. 

The drive to Rey’s house was tense with awkward silence. Neither of them knew what to say, one minute they seemed fine and the next Ben’s unhappiness with their secret was evident. As they pulled up to her house she looked at him, “We’re still okay, right?” she asked, to which he just nodded, not trusting his own voice. “Okay, I’ll see you soon,” she smiled as she got out of the car, not daring to kiss him goodbye incase Finn or Poe were watching. 

He waited for her to safely get inside before driving away. He rode to the studio in silence, trying to clear his head before he met up with the guys. Ben had gotten texts back from his band mates, each supportive of his decision to help his friends out. 

As he walked into the rehearsal space he saw the band already waiting for him, “Sorry I was running a little late. Sorry to hear about Cassian.” 

The band was unconventional, made up of cellist rather than electric and bass guitars. The only normal part of a rock band they had was a drummer, but they were still a metal band. “No worries man, you’re doing us a huge favor,” Eric, the lead cellist, told him with a smile. 

As they practiced he remembered just how he felt when he wrote the song. He wrote it while he was still with Star Killer and felt as if he were drowning, as if the band was going to be the end of him. It was right around the time he had first thought about leaving before his father died. He had edited the lyrics after he left band reflecting on how the ghost of his time with Snoke and Star Killer had hung over him for quite some time even after he left. 

Given the personal message in the song it made it easier to get into the headspace to hopefully give a good performance. By the end of the week he was pretty confident, or as confident as he could be with only having a week to get the song down and work out any kinks. People were excited and curious as to who would be performing with them. It had been kept very secretive, something the Grammy’s were using to get more attention and hopefully pull in more viewers. 

In a way it only made Ben more nervous that people didn’t know and having so much anticipation built up for the performance. “You got this,” his mother assured him and he just nodded. He hadn’t been to the Grammy’s since he left Star Killer, it was odd being back without a band. 

“Can we not do the whole red carpet thing?” he asked his mother as they drove to the venue. 

“You’re going to play the role of a good son and walk an old lady down the red carpet,” she told him, leaving no room for argument. He just chuckled, not bothering to argue with the strong willed woman. Leia was an icon in her own right, always gathering attention wherever she went. Having Ben with her only got more attention and too many questions. 

He sighed in relief when they got to their seats before the show, “Thank god that’s over.” He took a quick glance at his phone, finding no messages from Rey. He wasn’t sure where they stood at that point, they hadn’t talked much in the past week and it wasn’t as if they were on the greatest of terms when he dropped her off. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t talked at all, but the messages had been sparse and the contents almost felt as if someone was looking over her shoulder at whatever she wrote him. He wondered if there was, if Finn and Poe had been asking too many questions so she was just avoiding him. If he were honest, that explanation hurt worse than her just being mad at him. 

“You’ll have to get used to it again,” Leia reminded him, pulling him away from his phone and back to reality. “I know you’re done writing, all that’s left is recording when you’re done working with Jedi. So if you’re not ready by this time next year, you sure as hell will be by the following year. Think of this as a warm up to get you back into the swing of things.” 

He knew she was right. The album was written, there might be some tweaks once they start recording, but they had more than enough material to record an album. It would not be long once they started recording. 

Ben remembered why he hated the Grammy’s so much as the night wore on. He was bored out of his mind, but had to fake like he was interest. There were a few good performances, though he may be bias given the fact he one of the songs, but there were also some really shitty performances that just weren’t his style. The Grammy’s had to cover a decent range of music based on what was popular at the time, so it was inevitable that there would be some that he didn’t like. Part of him wondered if cameras caught him singing a long to certain a pop song he had written, not that he thought anyone was really that interested in him at the moment. With how long he had been out of the spotlight, there were a lot bigger names there to care about and get reactions from. 

Soon enough it was time for his performance and when he got on the stage his nerves fell away and he realized just how much he had missed performing. The lights came on after the announcer finished the introduction and Ben easily fell into his stage persona. Not Kylo Ren, but still confident and interacting with the crowd like a lead singer should. To his surprise the crowd went wild for the performance. 

At the end of the performance they received a standing ovation and Ben was feeling good. He got off stage and went to change back into the tux he was forced to wear. He looked at his phone one more time, finding still nothing from Rey. He frowned before turning it off, deciding he wouldn’t let it bring him down from his performance high. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was truly the beginning of the end. One thing he did know was that when they got into the studio he would know for sure where they stood. He’d know everything he needed to just by how she acted around him when her band was there. 

He made it back to his seat, his mom beaming at him because of the performance. She looked at him a moment as if trying to read his mind, “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah,” he smiled, not sure if it was a lie. “Just realized how much I missed being on stage.” She nodded and turned her attention back to the show, if she noticed how conflicted he was feeling she didn’t show it. In a few days he would be in the studio with Jedi, maybe then he could give her a true answer. 

TBC…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda feel like this was a filler chapter to get me over my writer's block, let me know what you think, comments are always appreciated.


	12. I Can Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song: I Can Tell by Adelitas Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned, this one is a little angsty...
> 
> I didn't have a chance to proof read this so sorry for any typos/errors.

Chapter 12: I Can Tell

The day finally came for them to start recording and Rey was kid in a candy shop. “Not that I don’t mind you being here, you don’t have to be today,” Ben told her as he set up the equipment for recording. They would be laying down the drums for the first track. Ben felt it was always best to start with the drums they set the beat and timing in any song that wasn’t acoustic. Then they would record the guitar, followed by the bass, and finally the vocals. Ben felt most comfortable when he could hear how the music would sound so he could either change it if it didn’t work or cater the vocals to fit the rest of the song. 

“I know, but I want to experience the entire process,” she beamed before quietly saying, “plus I get more time with you.” Rey gave one last look around the room to make sure no one heard, which just made Ben smile and shake his head. 

The real tension came when Finn walked into the room, eyeing Ben as if he were ready to explode at any moment. “I can feel you staring at me,” Ben told him, clearly annoyed with the man. “If you must be here just sit there and shut up unless you have something useful to say.”

Rey glared at Ben and he knew that it probably wasn’t the best way to make a first impression. “Don’t listen to him, he just hasn’t finished his first cup of coffee yet, right Ben?” Rey quickly said and Ben knew better than to disagree.

“Right,” he mumbled. “Come on Rose, lets get started.”

Rose looked between the three of them feeling the tension before her eyes landed on Rey knowingly. “Let’s do this!” she exclaimed excitedly grabbing the sheet music as she stepped into the recording area. Rey made a mental note to talk to her later. 

Finn sat in one of the chairs with his arms crossed trying to burn holes in Ben’s head with his eyes. Finn had thought that Rose had nailed the song, but Ben cut in before he could say anything, “That was good, but let’s give it another go. I think you could do better.” 

Rose seemed a little offended by his comment but just sighed and agreed. If she were honest, she got a little bored with the simplicity of the beginning and was thrown off when it sped up. Despite the many bad things she had heard about him from Finn and Poe, she knew that he knew what he was doing when it came to recording a song. 

Many hours later Finn was clearly bored, swiveling in his chair. It was as if he wanted to leave, but didn’t trust him enough to leave him with Rey and Rose. The thought made Ben want to laugh given all the things he and Rey had done that Finn had no clue about. After a few recordings of Finn swiveling in his chair Ben snapped and demanded, “Stop moving, it’s extremely distracting. If you want to move around like that just leave.” 

Rey once again gave him a disapproving look, but this time he didn’t care. “I think what Ben is trying to say is,” she started, but Ben cut her off.

“No, you don’t need to explain, I said exactly what I meant. Either stop or get out,” he growled, done with Finn’s bullshit. 

“This isn’t anything like our sound,” Finn argued. “I don’t know how you talked Rey into this but it’s not her writing.”

“Rose, take a break, me and Finn need to have a little chat,” Ben told her before pulling Finn out of the room without waiting for a response and against Rey’s protest. 

Once the door was shut Ben let go of Finn’s arm, “You listen to me and listen carefully because I’m not putting up with your shit. If you want to sit in while recording that is fine, but this is my studio and if you’re going to sit there and glare at me the entire time you can leave. I don’t care what my mother says, if you keep this up I’m done and you can find someone else to produce and record your album and you can explain to your band while you’re at it. So tell me now, are you going to change this fucking attitude of yours or are we done here?” Ben’s body language and tone made it very clear that he was not lying. 

Finn huffed, “Fine. I still don’t like this new direction you’re trying to take our band in.”

“That’s funny, this is a song Rey wrote, not me,” he told him before walking back into the room. 

“You didn’t punch him, right?” Rey asked when Ben walked back in, worried about her friend.

“No, I only thought about it,” he assured her. “Okay Rose, you ready to go again?” Rose only responded with a nod before Ben signaled they were recording again. Ben glanced at Rey, hating the way she was looking at him. He could tell she was upset, but what was worse was how disappointed she looked. Ben knew all she wanted was for them to get along before telling everyone, but it was getting off to a bad start. He supposed bad was an understatement. 

After an hour of Ben trying, and failing, to concentrate he said, “Let’s call it a day. We’ll pick this up tomorrow.

“You guys go ahead, I’ll help Ben clean up,” Rey said. Rose smirked as she pulled Finn out of the room. “I’ll see you guys at home,” Rey smiled as they left. Finn was clearly hesitant to leave, but Rose was forceful and stronger than she looked as she forced him out of the room. 

Once they were gone the room fell silent, either of them knowing what to say. “I’m sorry,” Ben broke the silence. “I know you want us to get along but he’s making it very difficult.” 

“Can’t you just be the bigger man?” she huffed.

Ben didn’t understand how it was all his fault considering the way Finn had been acting, so he tried to joke, “With my height aren’t I always?”

“You’re not funny,” she told him.

“How is this just my fault?” Ben asked. “I get you have this idea that everything is going to fall apart if you tell him, but that doesn’t mean you should just take it out on me. Maybe if you told him then he’d try a little harder to be civil.”

“You know that’s not what will happen! He’ll leave and I’ll be alone,” she was close to tears. 

“It’s good to know that if you have me you’re still alone,” Ben said, no longer wanting to talk. “I’ll see you tomorrow if you decide to come,” he said before taking his things and walking out. 

“Ben! That’s not what I meant,” she called after him, ready to break down. “Fuck,” she cursed at herself already crying and knowing she couldn’t go home at that moment without being asked what was going on. She knew Ben was right, she should just tell them, but her overwhelming fear that they’ll leave wouldn’t let her and she thought he’d understand. 

Ben heard Rey call after him, but he couldn’t turn around. He couldn’t talk to her at that moment or he’d probably say something he shouldn’t. Instead he decided to go home to cool down. Ben hoped the drive would calm him down, but he was still frustrated when he walked into his house. If he hadn’t learned how to control his anger he would have punched something, specifically Finn. 

He planned to try to get along with Finn, but the man made it impossible and Rey did nothing to help. Rey just let Finn be a total prick and then yelled at him once they were gone. Her words cut through him like a knife, making him feel like he was nothing to her, like he didn’t matter on the same level as her friends. 

The problem was that he was in love with her and didn’t know how to let her go. He couldn’t just walk away if she still wanted him and it terrified him that he wanted her so much that he let himself be a secret just to have her. Ben looked at his phone and saw no messages from her, which he felt like just signaled it was likely the end of their relationship. 

Ben grabbed a beer before collapsing onto his couch. He turned on the TV for background noise but he wasn’t actually paying attention. He was in his own world until he heard a knock on the door, which confused him given the security he had. He didn’t get up, which caused another knock on the door, this one more forceful. Ben pulled up the app connected to the camera at his front door and saw Rey on his doorstep. 

It was probably a little pathetic how fast he got up and practically ran to the door. When he opened the door they just stared at each other for a moment before he moved to the side and let her in, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m so sorry,” she told him, once again on the verge of crying. “I didn’t mean what I said, I just panicked at the thought of losing my friend. “Please,” she whispered. “Don’t leave me,” she begged. 

All Ben could do was pull her into his arms and hold her tight, “I’m not leaving you.” He kissed the top of her head, “I promise. I’m not leaving you.” 

Rey pulled back a little before pulling him down into a passionate kiss. Ben picked her up, causing Rey to wrap her legs around him as he took her to his bedroom. Everything in the back of Ben’s mind was screaming for him to let her go, but he couldn’t help but pull her closer. 

Ben felt her lips against his and forced those thoughts out of his head. He told himself everything would be okay; he just needed to give it time. All he could do was love her and hope that she wouldn’t break his heart. 

TBC…

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you think I should continue this. Some other chapters are already written and ready to be posted but I'm not sure how often it'll be updated - especially around the holidays.


End file.
